Tuesday, 29 September 2009

You bet your arse I am!

Pity party over.

I am blessed - well and truly, beyond anything I have ever hoped for or imagined.

For all that I have and for all that I am - I am thankful every minute of every day.

Sometimes it's hard to see the woods for the trees, I guess I need to remember what I do have and try to stop torturing myself about what I could have, should have, would have.

You have permission to kick my backside if I start to slack again!!

For I am blessed?

I've often wondered what I have done to deserve much of the sh*t I've faced over the years, I think until I am tired thinking - yet still I can not think of any reason as to why I have been blessed* in such a way.

Take my first husband Mr H..... I was 14 years old and as innocent as you like when I met him. I did everything a good, respectful girl should have done. I became a nurse, paid my taxes and yet still I was blessed* with that Bast*rd.

Then there's Cruella, I must have done something really terrible to have her in my life? Nope, I cared for her babies when she couldn't be bothered to, I supported her ex-husband who she had broken, I supported her financially and cleared her debts so she could sit on her fat arse whilst I looked after her boys. As to why I should have been blessed* with this person remains a mystery to me!

Finally there are the in-laws, or as I like to say - The Outlaws! Lordy, lordy me! What the fuck did I do to deserve them? I've cooked, cleaned, decorated and practically run myself ragged for them. I've supported their eldest son to become the fantastic father, husband and individual he always should have been. I've nurtured their grandsons and forgive me for boasting, but done a pretty fine job! I've given them two gorgeous grand daughters and never asked for anything in return. Do I have the right to be angry when they fail to turn up for Mr M's leaving celebration? Do I have the right to feel cheated when they buy Woody a birthday gift and show up 3 days early to give it to him, then bring Dora's along 2 weeks late - unwrapped? Should I be truly pee'ved when they can not find it in themselves to offer me support in any way shape or form whilst Mr M is away, yet they demand that he utilises his 30 minutes a week telephone contact on them?

You see I'm not one to boast or gloat. I'm not one to relish in my own glory. But forgive me on this occasion if I indulge myself - just a little - a rub your nose in telling you how I am Blessed*

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Sunday = Funday

I had so many friends wanting to spend time with Mr M and I before he departed. We had lots of dinner invites, invites for coffee, BBQ's (which given our weather would no doubt turn into indoor events).... You get the picture?

With the clock ticking at double speed, there was no way we would be able to find the time to see those that really mattered - so I planned a surprise get together instead. Not that I had nothing better to do than organise food, drink and entertainment - but hey, I needed the distraction and the challenge of keeping it all from Mr M!

On Sunday many of our friends and my family (a whole different blog post for that one!!) gathered at our village hall. There was food and drink in obscene quantities. There was a bouncy castle for the kids and an outdoor play park.

Oh and I almost forgot - there were SUMO suits for the big kids!

I don't think I have laughed so much in years. The kids had a ball, the adults had a blast. I had everyone sign a small notebook with a message for MR M and I have packed it in hit kit bag - reading it on Sunday night made me realise how truly blessed we are. So I thought I'd share a few pictures and let you see me in all my sumoing glory!!!!

Saturday, 19 September 2009

True to form

If any of you are still reading - I apologise for my poor posting.

As I write this post I am juggling typing with wiping the tears and snots that are running down my face. If it's a bit garbled then I'm sorry, but I just need to get this out and let it all go.

It's now only a few days until Mr M departs for Afghanistan, if I said that I'm finding it hard to put a brave face on each morning then it would be an understatement. My heart aches already and my stomach churns every moment of every day with the anticipation of not having my best friend right here with me.

Yesterday Cruella crawled from her hole and announced that she would be withholding the boys from me for the entire time that Mr M is away - Oh, but she would be willing to let them come to me once a fortnight from 6pm Saturday until 6pm Sunday. Other than that no contact, not at birthday, halloween or Christmas.

I am devestated. Mr M and I have spent so much time with the boys trying to reassure them that they would be supported whilst Mr M is away. We have never put any pressure on them, yet they have remained adamant that they want to continue with our current contact - no changes, no messing about.

Their choice, informed and supported.

So today my heart breaks as Mr M and I have to try to explain to two wonderful boys why they are being excluded from the only thing that has been consistent and familiar for the last 9 years. What is even more hearbreaking is that they really don't understand what their mother's decision means. How do you tell that to 13 and 11 year old boys without saying truly terrible things about their mother?

As it stands I have 3 days left to spend with the men in my life, how do I enjoy these days without feeling so flaming angry?

As it stands Lola, Dora and I are loosing Mr M, Charlie and Woody from this Wednesday until sometime at the end of January 2010 - How do I explain that to a 3 and 2 year old?

Right now I wonder how I will get through each day, when just typing this post is killing me.

Monday, 7 September 2009

My baby is now a little girl

Today Dora turned 2 - My heart aches for the tiny bundle that she was 24 months ago and my mind is in over drive imagining the woman she will be in 24 years time.

Happy Birthday Sweetness - Mummy Loves you so very much
(even if you do poo your pants sometimes!!)

Who's reading?