Saturday, 28 February 2009

Would the real Mrs M please stand up? Part 2

Where did I get to in my quest for cleansing and disclosure?

Probably somewhere round about my 8th birthday I realised that my parents were not as financially stable as those of many of my friends. They couldn't afford to buy the pony that I would pray for every night. The very pony that I dreamt of so vividly that one morning I woke up so excited as I truly believed they had bought it for me - many of you may not realise just how much an 8 year old can cry in 24 hours!
What I didn't realise was that my father had joined one of the largest trade union disputes of the century, he didn't work for over a year.
We had no money.
Full stop!
I didn't understand the strange words that would fly between my parents, I didn't understand the embarrassment my mum faced when she couldn't pay the shopping bill at the checkout and had to select items to return. I didn't understand when my Dad cried the day he returned to work - defeated - I just thought he would miss being at home with us.
From my point of view it wasn't so bad, I got to pick loads of new clothes from the clothes mountain donated from all over the country. I got to go to the soup kitchen every day for my meals and even got free meals at school - although I had to deal with the stigma of having a yellow free meal disk, but hey, I've never been too proud!. My parents were still fantastic and to be honest I loved having Mum and Dad at home to play with, rather than Dad being at work 12 hours a day, every day.

I suppose the rest of these early years were none eventful, I never broke any bones, I never suffered from any childhood illnesses, my parents didn't divorce. I might not have had everything I ever wanted, but in all honesty I had everything I ever needed.

Then Mum got poorly.

She didn't want to be involved with us girls anymore, she didn't want to teach us to sew, bake, knit, cook. In fact I don't think she could stand to have us around at all. Dad didn't escape her wrath either - but like the gentleman he is he stuck by her.
We (my sisters much more than I) on the other hand suffered the verbal and physical abuse she threw at us daily. My mum was gone and in her place was someone I didn't like much. I didn't know that she was suffering from mental illness, that she didn't know what she was doing when she hit us, swore at us, dragged us round with our hair. Thankfully, my Dad, my Mr Fantastic soon realised that she needed help. Mum had a couple of hospital admissions, surgery and medication. She didn't go back to being the Mum I loved - but I now wonder if she did, but I just didn't let her.

I honestly think this is where it all went down hill. I don't blame Mum for anything - I did, for a long time but not now.

My eldest sister had a child when she was just 17 and he came to live with Mum, Dad and me, whilst both my sisters went into self destruct mode. For the next 5 years they lived a life of crime and drugs stuck in the vicious circle so familiar with so many families. I was left at home practically raising my nephew (whom I adore).
This was the time that I met Mr H - I was 14 years old and had just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Would the real Mrs M please stand up?

I guess I don't really know what my Blogs all about anymore. I started at a time when I was having great difficulty dealing with Cruella. I needed an outlet. I needed people to understand me. I needed to realise that she was insignificant and I needed to move on.
Looking back on my posts, I honestly think I've come some way to achieving what I needed to do, so I guess now is the time to consider 'where do I go from here?'

I have been fortunate to have had quite a few of you stumble on my blog (whichever search term you used you are welcome) and many have stuck around - you guys keep me grounded with your comments.
I feel that before I can move forward I need to go back. I feel like there is so much about me that you don't know (much of it you wouldn't want to know) and I suppose in a form of cyber cleansing and in keeping with this free therapy, I should enlighten you, so here goes:-

I was born in 1976 and have two elder sisters. My eldest sister was born when my parents were just 15 and 16 yrs old - not the done thing in rural Scotland in 1971. My father remained at school, then college - he sat his final exam the night I was born, he missed my birth. He passed the exam with flying colours. My Mum is the youngest daughter in a family of 7 - her father fought in the D Day landings during the second world war -he was one of the lucky ones who returned from war, but died in 1972. I never met my Grandfather.

My Godfather is a priest, he was my fathers best friend and became disillusioned with the church - he has been a missionary in Africa since 1982. I don't know my Godmother. (I am thankful every day for my girls' Godparents - Trixi I love you hon)

I was early to walk (7 1/2 months) and was talking in sentences by 18 months. I started school aged 4 in a baby size 5G shoe (Dora wears the same size now at 17 months). My 'nickname' as a child was Titch because I was so small. I excelled at school, yet hated every minute of it.

My clothes were always pre-worn by my sisters or best friend Kelly- it was first up, best dressed in our house. I can't ever remember having new clothes bought for me (I'm sure I must have) but I can remember my Mum sitting up till all hours sewing and knitting. We were always clean and well presented. I was jealous that my friend had every material possession a girl could ever ask for. She was jealous that I had fantastic parents who loved us to bits and spent time with us - not knocking ten bells out of each other!

One of my earliest childhood memories is sitting with my Father, on his knee, both reading our library books, I think I must have been about 4. Every Monday we would walk to the library to exchange our books, I thought my Father was so fantastic as he was able to borrow 4 at a time. I loved the little manilla library token and was so very proud to have been trusted with it. I continued to go the the library with my father until I left home at 18, by which point I too had 4 little manilla tokens.

Every year my parents saved to take us on holiday, we had 7 days of living like kings - the rest of the month it was Egg and chips and hiding behind the sofa when the shop-a-cheque lady knocked on the door! My parents were strict, they had strong morals and principles. They both have an amazing sense of what is right and wrong - I feel blessed that they instilled these in me - although as an 8 year old I would much have rather have had the material possessions!

Part two to follow....

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Search terms

I decided to see how people had stumbled upon my blog. Like evry Blogger Nerd I have signed up to a Stat counter which logs any search terms used. So here are the most popular searches - looks like there are some disappointed pervs out there:-

  • Human Milk Machine
  • Woman Milk Machine
  • "Huge" Breasts on Milk Machine
  • Size 12 Arse
  • Wife on Milk Machine
  • Different size arses
  • Milk Machine on Human

So there you have it!

Wooka Fadooka

Whilst we were in London with Charlie and Woody, we bought the girls a couple of small gifts. One of the gifts we bought them was a flashing rubber ball from the Science Museum. Not wanting to spoil the surprise, Mr M told Lola that we'd bought her a gift but wouldn't tell her what it was.
That girl is so like her Mummy - she can't stand the suspense of surprises and it was driving her potty trying to guess what we'd bought her. Feeling her pain, I told her we'd bought her a 'Rooka Madooka' and for the rest of the journey home from Granny's she was quite happy.
When we got home she tore into the wrapping a proudly announced 'Look Dora - a Wooka Fadooka!' We laughed so hard as we thought she had 'got' the joke - hell no,that girl is so damn proud of her Wooka Fadooka she even insisted on showing the post lady!
*Don't ask who tried to take a picture of it flashing - doh!!!

Saturday, 21 February 2009

Young boys stink!

I know its a wide statement, but its true -young boys stink!

Woody had a friend round today and with all 3 boys in the bedroom I needed a respirator just to enter. Now its a known fact that farts just ooze from Charlie, if there is ever a stray smell - its one of Charlies to be sure (and he probably doesn't realise its his!!)
But today, well - I'd put a years salary on it that they'd all been sitting there squeezing out farts to see who could be the most putrid without actually following through and to top it all off............................

...................................They were sat on the pile of clothes that I'd washed, ironed an laid on their bed last night - so now they stink too and are back in the laundry basket.

I usually find farting highly amusing, but today was one fart too many for this mummy!!

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Forgotten something boys?

Selfish little buggers!

After spending a couple of days in London, doing exactly what the boys wanted to do - and fitting in a bit of shopping ;) - we the had a day out with all 4 kids at the aquarium. Again the boys got to do what they wanted to do and we dropped them off with Cruella at 5pm tonight - yes, we ran the gauntlet and took them back a day late (another story for another day).

So we dropped them off - fed, watered, new clothes, new trainers, new gadgets and souvenirs and guess what?

Not a thank you from either of them - I could have wrung their little necks, the selfish little buggers! We have given up precious time with the girls, to spend quality time with the boys. We have bought them exactly what they wanted and they just took, took, took.

I love my boys, but god do they P me off sometimes!

Wednesday, 18 February 2009


Loved it!

Will post some pictures soon. Off to bed - I'm cream crackered!!

Sunday, 15 February 2009

So excited!

It's half-term and we should have been taking the kids skiing here:-

Until Cruella threw in one of these:-
So we are off here instead!

I'm so excited, the thought of shopping in London is much nicer than the prospect of spending the week on my backside, half way up a mountain!
Will post some pictures when I get back.

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Pass me the brown paper bag

I would like to issue a full apology to anyone who has had to live, work or come into contact with me in the last 5 days.

I'm sorry that i've been totally and utterly vile. I'm sorry that I am so bloated I look 5 months pregnant. I'm sorry that I have so many spots, you could play dot-to-dot. I'm sorry my hair has been so greasy that I could cook a full fry up on it.

Why? Because I have been suffering from the worst PMT symptoms I have ever had and I don't get PMT - ever!
So, just pass me the brown paper bag - I'll pop it over my head and keep it there until it's all over!

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Toxic Friend part 2

Remember this?

Today was the day that I'd arranged to meet Mavis. We were supposed to meet at a neutral location, where the kids could play and we could have a natter. Unfortunately I had to pick Lola and Dora up from Nursery later than planned, so I couldn't make the arranged time.
I contacted Mavis and explained the situation and suggested that I just call into her house for a quick coffee and catch up instead.

Talk about lead balloon - the idea was a complete non-starter.

Mavis made every excuse possible to prevent the girls and I from going to her home and I have no idea why. So as it stands, we didn't meet up and we have made no plans for getting together at a later date. Perhaps my suggestion to invade her home was the final straw - maybe she thought I would have expected her to run around after the girls and I, and cook us all tea?

Funny how things can suddenly change when you move the goal posts I know what tactic to employ if any future contact is made...... 'Of course we'd love to see you Mavis, how about the girls and I come to yours for the day next week?'

Monday, 9 February 2009

I've been tagged!

I've been tagged by Shannon - check out her entry, I'm sure we all know someone who fits that description!

Here are the rules of the tag:

1. Grab the nearest book.

2. Open to page 56.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the text of the next 2 to 5 sentences, along with these rules.

5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual book. Pick the CLOSEST!

6. Tag five (or more) other people to do the same!

So here's my words of wisdom from 'the dice man' by Luke Rhinehart:-

'We could have our first social project by changing husbands for a week,' said Arlene.

'Neither of us would notice any difference,' Lil said.

So there you have it - nothing intellectual I'm afraid!

Grab your books Ladies, you've been tagged too:-



Smirking Cat

Just Me

Two Moms with a plan

Sunday, 8 February 2009

F*cked Off!!

Sometimes I think Cruella is right I am no more than a cook, cleaner, bank and babysitter to the boys.
A few weeks ago Charlie asked me to help him with his homework, he had to complete his family tree and replace each family member with a celebrity (not sure if I blogged about it or not). Anyway I helped him and a few hours later he had a (tactfully) completed family tree - not easy when there are two of everything!

The plan was that he than had to complete his family tree, from the one we did , in German - so he would cut out the celebrity pictures one by one from the homework and complete the German version in class time.

When sorting his bag out this weekend, I noticed he'd had the completed version marked returned to him. Feeling really excited as we'd put so much work into it I was so pleased he'd been given an A grading......Until I noticed that every other member of his family was there just as we'd arranged it - everyone except for me!!

I asked Charlie why he had left me off and he replied 'Oh, did I? I guess I must have forgotten about you!'.

So, I excused myself before I blew a gasket!

I just can't believe him sometimes. He's 12 years old and his parents have been separated since he was 3. He remembers who I am when he needs help with something, when he needs driving somewhere, when he needs something bought for him - but I obviously sit way under his radar when he thinks about his 'family'.

You know what - I'm off to have a pity party all by myself. 6 miles on the treadmill with my I*pod should just about calm me down enough to be able to cook him tea without saying something I may later regret.

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

A day of kidisms

Lola has been on top form today - perhaps it's all the chocolate she has eaten (see previous post).

Just before bath time she walked into the kitchen (yes - I do live in there!), with her hand held out.

Lola - Will you put some Tomato sauce on my hand please Mummy?

Me - Why?

Lola - Because if you do I can become a sandwich.

Me - ???

Lola - Please Mummy, let me be a sandwich

Me - If I were to do that Lola, What type of sandwich would you be?

Lola (looking at me very strangely) - A Lola Sandwich!?
Stupid me, I anticipated the answer to be cheese or ham!!

Oh, and I didn't put the tomato sauce on her hand, I managed to redirect her with chocolates - Cheers Cruella, you saved my ass twice in one day (see comment on previous post!)

Anyone for chocolate?

I thought I'd Blogged about our dilemma with Cruella's Christmas present, but looking back it seems I cut her some slack - must have been having a good day!

Each and every year, we have bought Cruella a Christmas gift from the boys. We've always bought something nice and a lot of thought has usually gone into the gifts. When she hooked up with Randall and his two children we decided to buy them a shared 'family' gift from all of us. Again we have always bought a nice gift and for the past couple of years they have bought us something - just a token gift for all of us, but it was something.

This year we decided that due to Cruella's behaviour, she was getting sweet F.A from us. However, we agreed that we would pay for a token gift for her from the boys. I took Charlie shopping and he chose a lovely triple box of fudge from Thorntons for Cruella and Randall and a small novelty chocolate gift each for Randalls children. I took great delight in wrapping them and writing the gift tags - which although said 'From Charlie and Woody' -she would know it was me who had bought them!

We did not expect anything in return as I'm sure she would have rather have poked her own eyes out than buy a gift for us!

To our surprise the boys arrived on Christmas eve with a tub of chocolates stuffed into a carrier bag, with a tag on saying to Mr M, Mrs M, Lola and Dora. Mr M and I were very surprised, but in the spirit of Christmas we thanked the boys and put the chocolates to one side.

Fast forward to today. I decided it was about time I had a sort out and had discussed taking our unopened tubs and boxes of chocolates to the girls' nursery. We have 3 large unopened boxes - including the one from Cruella.

So as I sort them out I look at the tub from Cruella and something twigs. The seal doesn't look quite right and on closer inspection I can see that she has used selotape and a piece of red paper (to look like the seal) to close the tub. As I took the selotape off, the lid lifted off and inside the tub mixed in with the chocolates, were loads of wrappers!

Can you believe it - she had no intention of buying Mr M anything from the boys and was obviously shamed into sealing up a half eaten tub of chocolates for them to give to us at the last minute.

Rather than feeling angry and cheated, the fudge set we bought was lovely and the boys told us that she ate nearly all of it in one go - wide load coming through, I have laughed so much this morning and Lola and Dora have had a field day with the remaining chocolates.

We need food!

Lola came to the kitchen this morning, about 40 minutes after breakfast. As she stood there hand in hand with Dora (too cute) this is the conversation that followed:-

Me - Hi girls are you ok?

Lola - No Mummy, we are hungry.

Me - Really? You've only just had breakfast.

Lola - I know, but we are ready for our lunch.

Me - Are you hungry too Dora?

Dora - Nods her head and signs 'To eat'

Me - Oh, Ok. Just let me finish cleaning up then I'll make you something to eat.

Lola - Come on Dora, we might as well go and play, Mummy's going to let us starve!

WTF? She's 3!!

Tuesday, 3 February 2009


We had snow yesterday - the worst snow fall England has seen in about 18 years. We had about 2" !!! But being in England, 2" of snow fall equates to chaos and everything grinding to a halt (it's the same if we have more that a day of rain, or a day of warm sun...)

Yesterday I braved the roads and drove the 26 miles to work, this morning I went out to the car to go home from work and f*ck, I have a flat tyre - not just missing a bit of air, I'm talking pancake freaking flat - with a huge nail stuck in it!

So I managed to pump it up enough to drive it to the local Quick Fit tyre company and like everything else right now....... it's not only one tyre that's had it - it's not two or even three tyres that are past it - it's all bloody four of them!

So whilst I value being safe and legal, I'm sat waiting in the reception area, gutted that I've just been stung for £270!! OUCH!

Looks like it's home colouring for me ;(

Grumpy, skint and cold Mrs M x

I'm sticking two fingers up to natural!

I have brown hair - not dark brown, not light brown - just brown.

It's not always been brown, if you were to get one of those paint colour charts from the DIY shop I could probably tick off most colours!
After being quite ill this last summer and taking the plunge on a very short hair style - I decided it was time to see the real me - it's been so long that I actually forgot what my natural colour was!

So from hair cut, to semi permanent colour (to allow any remaining peroxide to grow out - no I wasn't a bottle blond) to wash in wash out, I have finally managed to grow out all the dyed hair and I'm left au natural.

Well actually that's not quite true.

I have more white hair than an albino person (no offense to any albino person intended). Not only are they white hairs (not grey), they are super thick and grow at opposite angles to the rest of my hair! Yes, they do - honest. So I now have some brown (just brown) hair and lots of WHITE wires sticking out at impossible angles - that refuse to be hidden by soft, fine brown (just brown) hairs!

So ladies, I'm sticking two fingers up to natural - I'm 30 freaking 2 and flatly refuse to accept the intruder white hairs. Not now, not ever!!

Oh - i have decided that plucking them out with tweezers probably wasn't the best idea I ever had!!!

Off to make a hair appointment - home colouring is another story for another day!

Monday, 2 February 2009

Smirking Cat

Smirking Cat has hit the nail on the head with this post.

For all step-mum's, second wives or anyone who knows a woman like Cruella - check it out!

Cheers Smirking Cat - you really made me laugh!!

Who's reading?