Saturday, 19 September 2009

True to form

If any of you are still reading - I apologise for my poor posting.

As I write this post I am juggling typing with wiping the tears and snots that are running down my face. If it's a bit garbled then I'm sorry, but I just need to get this out and let it all go.

It's now only a few days until Mr M departs for Afghanistan, if I said that I'm finding it hard to put a brave face on each morning then it would be an understatement. My heart aches already and my stomach churns every moment of every day with the anticipation of not having my best friend right here with me.

Yesterday Cruella crawled from her hole and announced that she would be withholding the boys from me for the entire time that Mr M is away - Oh, but she would be willing to let them come to me once a fortnight from 6pm Saturday until 6pm Sunday. Other than that no contact, not at birthday, halloween or Christmas.

I am devestated. Mr M and I have spent so much time with the boys trying to reassure them that they would be supported whilst Mr M is away. We have never put any pressure on them, yet they have remained adamant that they want to continue with our current contact - no changes, no messing about.

Their choice, informed and supported.

So today my heart breaks as Mr M and I have to try to explain to two wonderful boys why they are being excluded from the only thing that has been consistent and familiar for the last 9 years. What is even more hearbreaking is that they really don't understand what their mother's decision means. How do you tell that to 13 and 11 year old boys without saying truly terrible things about their mother?

As it stands I have 3 days left to spend with the men in my life, how do I enjoy these days without feeling so flaming angry?

As it stands Lola, Dora and I are loosing Mr M, Charlie and Woody from this Wednesday until sometime at the end of January 2010 - How do I explain that to a 3 and 2 year old?

Right now I wonder how I will get through each day, when just typing this post is killing me.


Stacie said...

Oh dear, I am so sad to hear that Cruella is just that...cruel (for lack of a better term).

I cannot imagine how hard this all must be for you, the kids, and your husband.

Please stay strong, and he'll be back before you know it (once he leaves). I know the anticipation of him leaving in three days is incredibly painful.


Mrs M said...

thanks Stacie - I predict I'll be doing a whole lot more blogging over the next few months!

Amy said...

I'm so very sorry! That is so cruel of her to do to the boys! Keeping them away from their sisters.

I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling!

Minnie said...

Oh Sweetie. You've been in my thoughts and I knew D-Day was approaching.
I hate that Cruella has taken the path that she has. I hate it for you, for the boys, for everyone.
Sending thoughts and prayers you way.

dearjenn said...

Mrs M I wish I was there to hug you and tell you that as hard as this is- you will all get through it as a family.

I suspect that Cruella's agenda will change as soon as she realizes she is unable to manage the boys full time on her own. Soon enough she will be calling making it sound as if she is doing you a favor to let you see them for longer periods of time. Hang in there!

As far as Mr. M shipping off, my heart is breaking for you. I simply cannot imagine what you are going through and how it will affect your girls either.

I can say this- my mom pretty much raised us as a single parent while my dad was out living it up. She taught me the meaning of team- I encourage you to do the same with your girls. Teach them (even at this early age) that you all need each other to get through this- take it one day at a time and we will hope that Mr M's return comes quickly!

You know, you might be able to find some cheap flights to Vegas if you are in need of a holiday with the girls? :) You might need to bring your own tea though- you would likely be disappointed with what we call tea around here!

2momswithaplan said...

I am so sorry this is happening. I wish I were there right now to give you a hug. Hang in there sweetie! I'm here if you want to talk... anytime.

Much love to you!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. Don't let her put a damper on your last few days though. Suck all of the love you can in and know that we're all thinking of you.

Crys said...

Mrs M! I'm sending tons of love and hugs your way. That is absolutely cruel and horrible! Perhaps to help you through you can do a project like write a daily letter or note to your husband and the boys. Then you can either give them to them when he comes home, or you can just keep it in a journal for your own sanity. I did something like that when my guy was deployed to Afghanistan, so I have some knowledge of what it's like. I actually ended up making a month full of songs. I would find a song that best matched my emotions for the day, pulled the lyric that touched me the most, then wrote a little something about it and what I was feeling that day.

Pam said...

She's horrible. Those poor kids are going to suffer unneccessary loss because of her damn selfishness. Ugh.

Hang in there. Hopefully these months will go by quickly for you.

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