Adjusting.........

...............to being weekend parents?

Like a Disney film - 7pm every other Friday brings a magical transformation. The fairy dust settles and four become six. We spend the weekend running here, there and everywhere - and love it!
6pm on Sunday and the magic starts to fade. Mr M takes the boys back to Cruella (rushing so that the car doesn't turn into a pumpkin on his way home).

By 7pm every other Sunday six become four and we carry on regardless.


Whilst it's not easy going from full time, to half time, to no time, to very other weekend time - the boys seem pretty happy with the arrangement. This weekend they have been really relaxed and even stayed until this evening (it's school holidays). Mr M and I think that they have realised that we just want to spend some time with them. SIMPLE. No games, no gimmicks. They get no pressures from us and I think that is exactly what they need.


On the flip side - Lola is not dealing with this very well at all. She is so naughty whilst the boys are here, the minute they are in the car on the way to Cruella's she's fine. She just doesn't get it yet. I suppose it's a struggle for her, she spend so much time as the 'eldest child' then has to drop back into line when Charlie takes up this role - it must be confusing?

Mr M has found it hard too. We hardly know the boys anymore however, this weekend they have really started to open up again - I'm hopeful!


Oh and Cruella is on a diet - I correctly predicted that she is focused on squeezing her fat backside into a tiny wedding dress - a green one at that! Some girls have no taste!

Put a sock in it .....

....oh, you already did!


'Christmas' morning Lola runs into our bedroom and very excitedly asks if Father Christmas has been again. With this Dora bursts in (jumps her way in really) and asks if Father Christmas has been again.

Both girls jump into bed and all three of us 'push' Mr M out of bed so he can go and check - no point us all getting cold until we've confirmed that there are in fact presents to be opened 9and Mr M can turn the thermostat up on his way downstairs - logic, right?

So Mr M gets (is pushed) out of bed and with his back to us -safe in the knowledge that we are all preoccupied with speculating about father Christmas - he removes his lovely little boxer shorts with the intention of putting on his pants (yes, he's a pants man - he likes it all tucked in and not dangling).

Gotcha!

We girls sit giggling at Mr M's bum and he obliges with a little wiggle before pulling his pants up and turning round to face us.

Lola, in absolute stitches, to the point where she can only just get her words out, points at Mr M and declares:-

"Silly daddy - you've left your socks in your pants "

Mr M turned crimson, I almost pee'd myself and Lola was beside herself that Daddy was silly enough to out his socks in his pants in the first place!

Mr M now gets dressed in our bathroom!

Now the question is which type of socks? I would have said trainer socks - but I'm sure Mr M would insist they were boot socks!!

Service resumes - but it's far from normal....

We had Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day - it was amazing and wonderful and happy and sad all at the same time.
The boys arrived on our 'Boxing day', opened their gifts and then announced that they'd had a good day 'shopping' with their grandparents the day before WTF???? They blew us and our Christmas out for a day at the shops with their grandparents - to say I was angry would be an understatement - I was furious and rightly or wrongly told them both exactly what I thought. Cruella had gone away for the weekend with Randall and had made plans for the boys to go to her parents (another post in itself!)

Lead balloon.............

I then told them that if it were up to me then there would be no way on this earth that they would be coming on holiday with us the next day.

2 lead balloons.........

We got through 'boxing day' and we did go on holiday they next morning - all 6 of us.

We had 4 days away and in all honesty it was far from enjoyable. Our family dynamics have changed so drastically - it was hard for all of us. The boys were so far removed from the boys that we all knew and loved - they were selfish, rude and arrogant. Mr M really had his eyes opened.

We arrived home and the first question from Charlie was 'When are you taking us back to mums?' Mr M and I had briefly discussed this scenario and we took them back that morning. We came home and licked our wounds.

Four weeks passed before we heard from them again, despite numerous calls, texts and emails. Surprisingly *insert sarcasm* when Mr M left a voice mail asking if they wanted to come to London with us they called us straight back - I never saw that one coming!

We all went to London and despite things being a bit strange on the train we had a lovely time. The boys started to ask a few questions about Mr M and why he had had to go to Afghanistan, they also got to hear a little about what he had faced whilst he had been over there - you could see the penny dropping - literally.

We arrived home and Mr M & I had decided that we had to sort the situation out properly - I don't think my liver could have taken much more!

So the long and short of it................

• Cruella has done a really good job of making the boys hate Mr M for going away - they thought he'd had a choice in it all and had chosen to 'abandon' them
• The boys enjoy the freedom that they have at Cruella's and don't want to go back to having 'rules' at our house
• Charlie has hit his teenage years full force and is moody as hell.
• Woody can't understand why things can't just be the way they were?
• Cruella did not allow the boys to come whilst Mr M was away because legally I'm nothing to do with the boys (cheers kids!)
• Cruella has told the boys that we no longer have 50-50 care and that's her decision and nothing is going to change that (place your bets...)
• Cruella does not give a flying F*** about what the boys want.

So we asked the boys what they wanted, we told them to forget about what Cruella wants and not to worry about what they think we might want and here it is:

• To not have to stay at ours on a school night - they don't like to hour each way commute and it makes it difficult for homework etc
• Not to have so many rules at our house
• To come and stay with us every other weekend from Friday to Monday
• To spend half of the school holidays with us
• To spend alternate Christmas and Birthdays with us
• To spend the girls' birthdays with us
• To spend Fathers day with us

What we agreed:-

• The house rules stay - no negotiation - how hard is it to make your bed, take your clothes to the laundry and shower every day?
• No school runs - I'm happy with this as it was four hours every day (3 days a week) that we were sat in the car doing school runs. Also this would have had to have changed when Lola starts school in September anyway.
• Every other weekend here - Hopefully minus the school runs this will mean we get to spend some quality time with them both?
• Alternate Christmas's with us
• Alternate birthdays with us
• Fathers day with us
• Half the school holidays with us.

Cruella has other ideas! She went absolutely crazy at the boys when they told her what they wanted and she was straight on the phone to Mr M - who may I add has really grown a pair since he's been away and firmly told her where to get off!

So the plan is for the boys to come after school this Friday - I wait with baited breath.

My prediction for Cruella involves a letter, child support and a demand for mega bucks! Unfortunately, I'm not often wrong with my Cruella predictions!

Ever decreasing circles......

Where do I begin? I suppose with an apology for being such a terrible blogger! I have been reading all of the blogs which I follow, just not blogging myself.
However I just need to get this post out, it's been going round and round in my head for so long - Minnie I'm back for some free therapy!

I guess it would be worth going back to this to get where I am coming from.....................................

I didn't see or hear from the boys until the end of November, over 8 weeks from the date Mr M went away. When I did eventually get a text message from Charlie asking if they could come to stay for the night I was elated, I didn't ask any questions I just arranged a time and date to pick them up.
The boys arrived the weekend of Lola's 4th Birthday - it was the best present anyone could have given her - short of Daddy coming home, that is. The first few hours were pure bliss, the house was filled with noise and the sound of laughter was music to my ears. The children put up the Christmas tree and life was almost normal, for a while.
It wasn't all about Lola though as it was only a few days until Charlie's birthday - so he was equally excited to receive his birthday gifts from us and my family, after which the mood certainly started to change........
The boys were getting less tolerant of the girls wanting to spend every minute with them and they were pre-occupied with their new mobile phones that Cruella had purchased them (2 days after me topping their old phones up with £45 worth of talk time!!). After putting the girls to bed that night I asked the boys if they wanted to watch a film or play a board game. They didn't want to, but they did want me to do something for them.

Let me back track a little, mid way through 2009 I started my own photography business and I have been building this up gradually. I'm not brilliant, but I have taken some lovely portraits and have covered 2 weddings which I was very proud of.

The boys wanted me to take some portraits of them for them to give to Cruella and Randall as Christmas presents. Even though my alarm bells were starting to tinkle, I set up my home studio and worked my magic on the boys, after which they said goodnight and went up to their room. At breakfast the next morning I asked them if they wanted to go shopping for some frames then we could go to lunch, as I wasn't taking them back until 4pm. They exchanged looks and said they wouldn't have time as Cruella was picking them up before lunch, they would get the portraits at some point before Christmas. Next Charlie pulled a piece of A4 paper out of his pocket and as he opened it I instantly recognised Cruella's scrawl. When I asked him what was on the paper he just handed it to me. I was totally caught off guard as I read the list (complete with hand drawn check boxes) that Cruella had written. It was all the items that they boys were to take back to her house from ours. All items that I had bought and paid for.

• New school blazer with ipod controls
• New size 5 black trainers (both pairs)
• Charlie's walking boots
• Woody's walking shoes
• Woody's DS games
• Charlie's School coat
• A coat for Woody to wear to school
• Any jeans that fit
• Any T shirts that fit
• Any hooded sweaters that fit
• PE kit and football boots (size 5) for Charlie

Believe it or not, but it was mid December and neither boy had had a coat to wear for school! I explained to the boys that they could take the stuff on the list, but it would be up to them to look after everything and ensure they returned anything they would need when they were here, as I would not be replacing anything if they decided to take it to Cruella's. They took everything!

Fast forward to the 19th December - Umpteen voice mails, text messages and emails all un replied to - and I get a text message from Charlie asking if they could come on the 20th overnight. Again I didn't ask any questions, I just agreed to collect them at 9am the next morning.

9 am on the dot and the boys bounce into the car, wanting to know if their portraits were ready! We got home and the girls were so excited to have the boys here, they were talking about Father Christmas coming and what gifts they would like to get. The boys asked if they could have their gifts before they went back to Cruella's. I was more than a little taken aback, but composed myself and explained that the girls would only be getting 'token' gifts on Christmas day and that we would be having our full family Christmas when Mr M returns (they already knew this as we had spoken about it in details before Mr M went away. Charlie didn't seem too bothered, but Woody's face was tripping him! He didn't seem to understand that whilst he would be getting gifts from Cruella and her family, the girls would have to have a few things from me or they would have nothing to open on Christmas morning - as my family and (the few that bother from Mr M's family) were not exchanging gifts until Mr M comes home.

Although neither boy was pleased with my response, we got through the next 24 hours without any major fall outs. The next day I took them back to Cruella's - with their portraits mounted, framed and wrapped. 3 for Cruella and Randall and one for Cruella's parents. We didn't even get a Christmas card, neither did Mr M - but that's boys for you eh?


We phone, we text, we email - Christmas day, Boxing day, New Years day, the day it snows and we build a snow man, the day I get the official date of Mr M's return, the details of our plans for our Christmas day, the dates of our trip to a very special holiday place. We hear nothing from either boy. Lola is beside herself - I don't know what to say. Mr M is non the wiser as they have never written to him whilst he's been away - despite me sending them stamped addressed envelopes!

Last week I get a text message from Charlie:-

'Mum's booked our holiday for the same dates as your in the summer - going with mum. Got plans for the date that you've arranged Christmas for - won't be coming. Not bothered about seeing Dad when he gets back - just ask him to ring Mum to arrange a pick up time for when we go to the very special holiday place. Charlie.'


Heartbroken. Angry. Confused. Suspicious. You bet your backside I was! I gave it a few hours to let the content of the message sink in, then I tried ringing Charlie, then Woody, then the house phone - no answer from either. So I replied with the following:-

'Hi mate, Dad will be really upset that you won't be celebrating Christmas with us, is there nothing you can do to rearrange? He has missed you just as much as the girls and I have. I can't understand why you are not planning on seeing Dad when he gets home. Give me a ring and we can try to sort something out. Love Mrs M x '

I left it several days and still I heard nothing. By this point I had come up with every excuse for their behaviour whilst Mr M has been away. I've had Cruella brainwashing them, raging hormones, peer pressure, not wanting to 'put me and the girls out'.......... but I can't find an excuse that I truly can believe. I sent my final message on Friday:-

'Charlie & Woody, You didn't reply to my last message - is everything ok? Dad will be ringing you this weekend, I've not told him about the content of your last text, I ask that neither of you mention it as it's unfair whilst he is still out there. He will be home on *****, Please call him when he gets back. Until you have spoken to him I won't book our holiday to the very special holiday place. Take care, Love Mrs M x'

I've heard nothing from either of them.

I'm still so angry. I'm angry with Cruella for encouraging/allowing the boys to treat us so terribly. I'm angry with myself for daring to expect more. I'm disappointed with the boys for thinking they can get maximum gain from minimum effort - We certainly didn't raise them this way!


I know that our little family has been ripped apart, I know it will never go back to being how it was.
I'm just hoping that I am strong enough to support Mr M and the girls through the rough ride that I know is only just starting. The last 4 1/2 months will seem like a breeze in comparison.

For I am blessed?

I've often wondered what I have done to deserve much of the sh*t I've faced over the years, I think until I am tired thinking - yet still I can not think of any reason as to why I have been blessed* in such a way.

Take my first husband Mr H..... I was 14 years old and as innocent as you like when I met him. I did everything a good, respectful girl should have done. I became a nurse, paid my taxes and yet still I was blessed* with that Bast*rd.

Then there's Cruella, I must have done something really terrible to have her in my life? Nope, I cared for her babies when she couldn't be bothered to, I supported her ex-husband who she had broken, I supported her financially and cleared her debts so she could sit on her fat arse whilst I looked after her boys. As to why I should have been blessed* with this person remains a mystery to me!

Finally there are the in-laws, or as I like to say - The Outlaws! Lordy, lordy me! What the fuck did I do to deserve them? I've cooked, cleaned, decorated and practically run myself ragged for them. I've supported their eldest son to become the fantastic father, husband and individual he always should have been. I've nurtured their grandsons and forgive me for boasting, but done a pretty fine job! I've given them two gorgeous grand daughters and never asked for anything in return. Do I have the right to be angry when they fail to turn up for Mr M's leaving celebration? Do I have the right to feel cheated when they buy Woody a birthday gift and show up 3 days early to give it to him, then bring Dora's along 2 weeks late - unwrapped? Should I be truly pee'ved when they can not find it in themselves to offer me support in any way shape or form whilst Mr M is away, yet they demand that he utilises his 30 minutes a week telephone contact on them?

You see I'm not one to boast or gloat. I'm not one to relish in my own glory. But forgive me on this occasion if I indulge myself - just a little - a rub your nose in telling you how I am Blessed*

Sunday = Funday

I had so many friends wanting to spend time with Mr M and I before he departed. We had lots of dinner invites, invites for coffee, BBQ's (which given our weather would no doubt turn into indoor events).... You get the picture?

With the clock ticking at double speed, there was no way we would be able to find the time to see those that really mattered - so I planned a surprise get together instead. Not that I had nothing better to do than organise food, drink and entertainment - but hey, I needed the distraction and the challenge of keeping it all from Mr M!

On Sunday many of our friends and my family (a whole different blog post for that one!!) gathered at our village hall. There was food and drink in obscene quantities. There was a bouncy castle for the kids and an outdoor play park.

Oh and I almost forgot - there were SUMO suits for the big kids!

I don't think I have laughed so much in years. The kids had a ball, the adults had a blast. I had everyone sign a small notebook with a message for MR M and I have packed it in hit kit bag - reading it on Sunday night made me realise how truly blessed we are. So I thought I'd share a few pictures and let you see me in all my sumoing glory!!!!

True to form

If any of you are still reading - I apologise for my poor posting.

As I write this post I am juggling typing with wiping the tears and snots that are running down my face. If it's a bit garbled then I'm sorry, but I just need to get this out and let it all go.

It's now only a few days until Mr M departs for Afghanistan, if I said that I'm finding it hard to put a brave face on each morning then it would be an understatement. My heart aches already and my stomach churns every moment of every day with the anticipation of not having my best friend right here with me.

Yesterday Cruella crawled from her hole and announced that she would be withholding the boys from me for the entire time that Mr M is away - Oh, but she would be willing to let them come to me once a fortnight from 6pm Saturday until 6pm Sunday. Other than that no contact, not at birthday, halloween or Christmas.

I am devestated. Mr M and I have spent so much time with the boys trying to reassure them that they would be supported whilst Mr M is away. We have never put any pressure on them, yet they have remained adamant that they want to continue with our current contact - no changes, no messing about.

Their choice, informed and supported.

So today my heart breaks as Mr M and I have to try to explain to two wonderful boys why they are being excluded from the only thing that has been consistent and familiar for the last 9 years. What is even more hearbreaking is that they really don't understand what their mother's decision means. How do you tell that to 13 and 11 year old boys without saying truly terrible things about their mother?

As it stands I have 3 days left to spend with the men in my life, how do I enjoy these days without feeling so flaming angry?

As it stands Lola, Dora and I are loosing Mr M, Charlie and Woody from this Wednesday until sometime at the end of January 2010 - How do I explain that to a 3 and 2 year old?

Right now I wonder how I will get through each day, when just typing this post is killing me.

True Cruella Style

Arrrrggggghhhhh!!

It's school holidays this week and Mr M and I actually have some time booked off to spend with the kids. It's also the bank holiday weekend, so there are loads of events on. We had planned to spend time with our family on Saturday, Friends on Sunday, Family on Monday then fun days Tuesday and Wednesday.

The best laid plans........

Last night Charlie sent a message to Mr M:

'Hi dad, got things planned with mum all week and going away. See you on the 31st'

WTF??

So Mr M rang Cruella and had this conversation with her:

Mr M - Hello, I've just had a message from Charlie saying the boys wont be coming until the 31st. I'm a bit concerned as they are due to arrive on the 23rd and stay until the 27th - we have made plans.
Cruella - 'You always fucking do this'
Mr M - Do what? I'm just stating what Charlie has said in his message and I would like to know whats happening.
Cruella - Randall works in construction and only gets this week off. We've had things planned for ages.
Mr M - I understand that, but you could have told us sooner as we too have made plans
Cruella - I did fucking tell you - you just don't listen.

With that she slams the phone down and quite clearly the conversation is over!

Did I tell you how much I hate this person?
She did not tell us they were going away this week and Mr M certainly does not 'always' ring her up to challenge her plans and she has a mouth like a sewer!

So, it looks like Mr M & I are going to have lots of time to spend with Lola and Dora this week - Every cloud has a silver lining I suppose.

Remember Cruella?

It's been ages since I've had to do a Cruella post. She's been pretty quiet lately, which although I welcome the peace, is not usually a good sign.

Today Mr M told her about his deployment to Afghanistan. He wanted her to know so that they could agree on when he would tell the boys. He also didn't want to risk her finding out from someone else - highly possible as they both work at the same hospital.

Her reaction.....

She called him a selfish *****, told him that he had no right going to serve Queen and Country. She continued her rant, stating that the boys would be angry with Mr M and would find it very hard to forgive him for abandoning them. WTF? Her closing statement was that the boys would not want to come to our house at all if Mr M wasn't there.

Talk about deluded. Does she not realise that Mr M should be commended for being a volunteer, that without the likes of Mr M, our service men would be placed at greater risk. Does she not realise that the boys are terribly proud of Mr M and all that he has achieved whilst being a full-time soldier and a volunteer reservist? Does she forget that all of the other times that DH has been away the boys have always chosen to come here as normal?

Well, Cruella. I've got news for you. I am so very proud of my husband, I think he is being incredibly selfless and brave to volunteer to go into a war zone. I will give him my support, even though it breaks my heart to think of where he will be going. I also know that in supporting him, I am a better person than you - you were behind him leaving the army in the first place, you gave him an ultimatum - who's the selfish one?

As for the boys..... I'd love them to keep coming as normal when Mr M goes away. However, I have a life and commitments and will not be an unpaid childminder for you. If the boys choose (yes, it will be there choice) to still come here - there home - then they will be welcomed with love and affection. If they choose not to come, then they will be told that the girls and I will always be here for them.

You see, fuck face, this is not about you, although I'm sure you will spend your time between now and the 22nd September trying to think of ways to play the victim - yet again.

Bring it on. Mr M and I are happy and secure in our relationship. We support each other 100% and we love all 4 of the kids. Nothing you can do or say will ever change that, so if you want to waste your energy trying - go ahead, make my day!!

Wooka Fadooka

Whilst we were in London with Charlie and Woody, we bought the girls a couple of small gifts. One of the gifts we bought them was a flashing rubber ball from the Science Museum. Not wanting to spoil the surprise, Mr M told Lola that we'd bought her a gift but wouldn't tell her what it was.

That girl is so like her Mummy - she can't stand the suspense of surprises and it was driving her potty trying to guess what we'd bought her. Feeling her pain, I told her we'd bought her a 'Rooka Madooka' and for the rest of the journey home from Granny's she was quite happy.

When we got home she tore into the wrapping a proudly announced 'Look Dora - a Wooka Fadooka!' We laughed so hard as we thought she had 'got' the joke - hell no,that girl is so damn proud of her Wooka Fadooka she even insisted on showing the post lady!

*Don't ask who tried to take a picture of it flashing - doh!!!

A tale of two beds

It's a long story, so I'll try to keep to the point.

In the summer we decided that Charlie and Woody would share the largest bedroom and Lola and Dora would have a room each (Dora was having problems settling when we tried to put her in Lola's room). This involved a massive reorganisation of the upstairs ( I called in the A team - Mum and two sisters!). We eventually got it sorted and the end result was that the boys had new wooden bunk beds, Charlie's metal high sleeper was put in the Garage, Woody's single bed was given away to a friend, Lola kept her white 4 poster and Dora was still in her cot.

I've never been entirely happy with the boys' bedroom, it's always seemed really cramped and childish so last week I decided to do something about it. The old cogs started turning and I had a (not so) bright idea.
Dora would have Lola's bed as she is getting restless in her cot (Lola was in a bed at 13 months)
Lola would have one of the bunk beds (they split into singles)
Charlie's high sleeper would go back in their room and the other bunk would go under the high sleeper at a 90 degree angle. The other side of the high sleeper has shelves and a desk.

Plan worked out great in my head - not so great in reality!

Lola loves her new bed - Dora hates hers!
Charlies high sleeper was pulled in from the garage, lugged upstairs only to find out that we'd thrown all of the screws and bolts away (Mr M was not happy!) So we had to go and buy a new high sleeper (we tried to get replacement bolts etc but couldn't get any anywhere!)
High sleeper in place and low and behold the second bunk bed (single) wouldn't fit under (AARRRGGGHHHH). No amount of pushing, pulling, squeezing and swearing could get the darn bed to fit (Mr M was not happy!). So.....we had to go and buy a single bed (metal to match the high sleeper) for Woody. However, despite all the problems, their room looks fantastic and surprisingly there is so much more room!

Moral of the tale - Mrs M needs to think things through before taking the plunge and throwing the whole house into chaos, Mr M needs to chill out and not say 'I told you so'!!

The season has started - Minnie says so!

Minnie has officially declared open season on BM - so let the BM Bash 2009 begin. Not one to be rude, I feel I must partake in this sport so I'll load it and then I'll fire it!

So where do we begin? After the farce of Christmas (on Cruella's part) and the irresponsibility of New year (letting a 10yr old stay up and text Mr M at 02.40hrs) we had the feeling that 2009 was going to be one of those years!

Sunday 4th January 2009 - Cruella thrusts a tatty envelope at Mr M before storming into her car and pulling off at break neck speed. The contents of the envelope...... £25 and a signed authorisation for Charlie to go on a school residential trip for 3 days in June. What she had failed to tell Mr M was that she expected us to pay the other £25 (the deposit) and that it needed to be paid no later than the morning on the 5th - 12 hours away! If thats not enough she then expects.......wait for it...... us to pay half of the remaining £232 that is due in March. WTF? A three day school trip that costs £282 - oh did I forget to add that this is a camping trip no more than 60 miles from our home? So with no time for discussion and Charlie in tears - Cruella has had this letter since the begining of December and told him he could go - we pay the remaining £25 (obviously I changed the envelope).
What really freaks me off isn't so much the cost (ok, it is! When you consider all six of us are travelling to France for 9 days in August for £580 total!) it's the fact that she didn't even have the decency to pick up the phone and talk to Mr M. She is such a piece of work - she's fat, lazy and darn right rude - Thank goodness the boys take after me!

Resolutions.

So I've finally come up with several resolutions that I am determined to follow through 2009. After much thought and soul searching here's my list:-

* Not to buy anything that I don't need

* Not to replace anything that doesn't need replacing (there goes the new curtains!)

* Decide on a career pathway and make a 5 year plan (I've always just bimbled into jobs and promotions and have no idea where I want to be next week, never mind next year!)

* (After devising a career plan) Look for a job closer to home.

* Save at least 1/6 of my monthly wages (there goes the new curtains!)

* Continue with my free therapy (blogging)


So, I suppose there is nothing earth shattering in my resolution list, but to be honest most of my life is great - I guess I should add to my list:-

* Be thankful everyday for Mr M, the children, my family and our friends.

Last minute me

Why do I leave Christmas shopping to the last freaking minute?

Tonight I am sat stressing about all that I have to do tomorrow - I still have several presents to buy and like old mother Hubbard my cupboards are bare!

So, plan of action.......
Phase 1: Alarm clock is set for 3am so I can go to Tesco food shopping. I'll get back just in time for Mr M getting up for work.
Phase 2: I can shower & get dressed before Lola & Dora get up.
Phase 3: Get the girls up & dressed then head off to their Godmother's to exchange gifts (luckily I have bought hers!)
Phase 4: Convince said Godmother to mind the girls whilst I nip to the shopping outlet to buy ridiculous, expensive and useless last minute gifts.
Phase 5: Collect Lola & Dora and drive home.
Phase 6: Feed, bathe and get the girls to bed (praying the settle well)
Phase 7: Cook for Mr M, Charlie and Woody who will be ariving home about 8pm. Open the wine!
Phase 8: After the boys are in bed, wrap all the presents, including the ridiculous, expensive and useless last minute ones purchased earlier
Phase 8a: Huff and tutt at MR M for being useless at Wrapping.
Phase 9: Wish I'd not opened the bottle of wine at Phase 7
Phase 10: Finishing touches..... sprinkles, footprints, mince pies and sherry for Santa
Phase 11: Crash into bed and pray that sleep comes quickly (only 3 hours until the first cries of 'Santa's been'


I love Christmas - just wish I were more prepared. But hey, I'm the same every year & we always have a blast!

Merry Christmas to you all. xx

Home Alone

Today I cried - big, fat tears with uncontrollable sobs!

Mr M & I had a wonderful 5 days with Lola and Dora on our winter break. The girls loved all the wildlife and Lola went on two pony rides - she's a natural. She looked so darn cute and had her picture taken for next years brochure! We came home yesterday on such a high & couldn't wait to see the boys today.

Cruella dropped them off at 1pm and by 1.15pm the tears wouldn't stop.
We'd told her in February that she would have to make arrangements for the boys for this week, yet just a few weeks ago she claimed she didn't know we were going away. Sorry F*ck Face, but I've got the e mail delivery confirmation that clearly states you recieved and opened the email & just to be doubly sure, I handed Randall a copy of all of our booked holidays for 2008. Sorry, but my eyes are not painted on!
So the reason for the tears? Woody (10 years old) had the winter vomiting flu Monday and Tuesday with a spiking temperature of 40 degrees. What did Cruella do....... she went to work 8am till 8pm!
She left him home alone - both freaking days! But wait, don't condemn the evil bitch of an excuse for a mother just yet, please hear her plea.....
'Woody wasn't home alone all day, Randall called at home evry 4-6 hours to give him paracetamol to try to get his tempertaure down'.

Whoopyfuckingdo!

Mr M & I feel like crap now, and in some part feel that we should not have left the boys with her on our contact days. But what we fear most is that if she is willing to leave him home alone when he is obviously very poorly, she will not have second thoughts about leaving him home alone at any other time. What beaks my heart most is that neither of the boys can see any harm in what Cruella has done.

So Monday morning will bring a elephone call to social services and our solicitor - we just can't let this one go. Are we totally off the mark here?

See you on Friday

Tomorrow Mr M, Lola, Dora and I leave for our winter break. We are off here for 5 days and I am so excited!

I'm sure I'll have loads to update you on when I get back - like Cruella is going to let us have 5 days of peace & quiet?!

Our day with Charlie

Today we took Charlie to visit his favourite Football Club - a late birthday gift as Cruella would not let him come over last weekend....
Anyway, Woody stayed with Cruella (another tale for another post) whilst Lola and Dora stayed with my mum.

So off we tootled this morning, just me, Mr M and Charlie. We had breakfast out, were able to have a 3 hour car journey without having to stop to use the toilet, pick up something that has been dropped or change a stinky nappy - heaven!
We arrived at the stadium and were able to look around the museum, trophy room and stand without having to negotiate a double buggy, listen to 'I'm bored 30 times', listen to 'Can I play my DS?', stop to use the toilet, pick up something that has been dropped or change a stinky nappy - heaven!
We then drove to the Docks and were able to enjoy hot chocolate and cakes without having to negotiate a double buggy, find a clean highchair, find a table big enough to take 6 + said highchair, listen to 'can I play on my DS?', have numerous visits to the toilets/changing room, repeat 'sit down Lola and est your cake' 30 times, having to avoid the glares of those on the next tables because Dora is just so loud - and Lola has to be louder! - Heaven!!

All in all, we had a fantastic day, Charlie smiled all day long and has never stopped talking about it. I honestly think we need to make more of an effort to spend time with the children on a 1:1 basis, as much for me & Mr M as for them.

Second Guessing

I am sick of trying to second guess Cruella and the depth she will sink to to make life difficult for Mr & and I.
Mr M has had his papers issued to say that he will be deployed to Afghanistan in October 2009. Thinking we should get things in order (you just never know) we have been trying to second guess Cruella and her behaviour, not only when he tells her, but also when he has gone. My head and heart hurt and I'm not sure how much more I can take of this.
We have taken legal advice and basically we have several options:-

• File for a residence order which states Mr M and I to have 50% care. With this I would gain parental rights and responsibilities
• File for parental rights and responsibilities
• Do nothing and deal with any issues when (if) they arise

We initially thought the residence order would be the best option, but with a £5000 plus tag and no guarantees that Cruella wouldn't revoke it the minute Mr M leave the country.....

We then thought the parental rights and responsibilities was the way to go, but again with a £2500 tag and the bomb shell that follows I'm not so sure!

As it stands as soon as I accept parental rights and responsibilities I also accept financial responsibility for the boys until they are 18yrs. In itself this is nothing as I provide for them anyway...... but the minute Mr M leaves the country, Cruella could revoke contact and file for full maintenance from me. Also if Mr M were not to return or if we were to separate at a later date, Cruella can withhold contact from me but still file for full maintenance until the boys reach 18yrs and I would be 100% liable!

So do we carry on second guessing and trying to plan for all eventualities or do we just deal with the crap should it arise?

Happy Birthday sweetheart

My little girl, Lola, celebrated her 3rd birthday yesterday. Yikes - I can't believe she is 3!! She was so excited opening her gifts yesterday morning, it's bizarre that she now knows you just 'rip' the paper off (in two seconds flat!!). We bought her some roller skates (the ones where you keep your shoes on and they adjust as your feet grow) and she has already mastered the art of 'skating' - I do find it amazing that she has fantastic balance and co-ordination already (she certainly doesn't get it from me!).
What really touched me was when Charlie (in his lunch break at school) sent a message to Mr M yesterday asking him to wish Lola Happy Birthday. He is so thoughtful.

I thought about sharing a few memories with you, but to be honest I couldn't pick just a few. Then I thought I'd share her birth story with you, but I just can't find the folder where I saved it to! So instead I will just say:

Happy birthday Sweetheart - Mummy loves you more each day.

I am Thankful for...

Today I join in the tradition of Thanksgiving - I've done this since finding my friends 4 years ago. As I think about my life I realise, as stressful as it is at times, I have lots to be thankful for:-

• My husband and children
• My parents and sisters
• My friends - near and far
• My health (as poor as it has been, I'm more fortunate than some)
• My financial stability in such an unstable climate
• My compassion and tolerance of others
• Wine for when the above is not an option!