Way back when....Part 3

If you've just stumbled upon my blog then you may want to check out this and this first.
Ok, all up to speed? Then I'll begin where I left off.
So we have moved into a derelict house, in the middle of winter with no heating, electrical appliances or furniture. We did have a toilet and (cold) running water so not much to complain about. We spent the first days and weeks just trying to get to know each other. We enjoyed romantic meals out (we had no choice as we had no cooker or fridge/freezer), I inducted him into the world of shopping - he needed clothes and essentials and he introduced me to.... (nudge, wink). We'd been work friends for a while, but had only shared one drunken kiss prior to living together - bizarre I know! Amazingly within those first few days I knew I had found my soul mate.
He was in contact with Cruella, who has quickly gotten over the shock that he had had enough of her games & upped and left her. Within 2 days of him leaving she had cleared out their home and the coal shed (beggars belief), sold or destroyed ALL of his belongings (hence the shopping trips) and had moved in with her parents.
He didn't get to see his boys for almost 3 weeks, and when Cruella finally did agree to let him see them it was a shock for us all. She met Him in the supermarket car park, handed over two very confused little boys (who were now 4 and 2) and a letter listing her demands:-

• He was to see the boys twice a week at her convenience
• He was to continue to pay the rent (£270 pcm) on the house for a further 3 months until the end of the lease
• He was to continue to pay the finance for his car (£220)- which she had and was keeping
• He was to pay all of their joint debt (Lord knows how much every month but the total was well over £37,000)
• He was to pay her £400 every month
• If he failed to agree to any of the above he would not get to see his boys.

So what did we do? We put the boys first and worked our buts off to meet her demands. We got to spend two days a week with the boys and I was introduced to the joys of being a mum. You can't put a price on that!

We continued to live in a derelict house, in the middle of winter, with no furniture or heating - but who cared?

My need for free therapy

This week has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. Cruella has loaded her weapon of choice - the poison tongue - and has come out firing on automatic. Ordinarily I would be able to stand there & take her abuse, safe in the knowledge that my husband and children love and respect me. This time it was different, this time she got a full blown heart shot, this time I stayed down & couldn't get back up.

Over the last 8 years Cruella has shown little or no interest in her children (other than as a source of income, but we'll get to that at some point), she has been 'happy' for me to take on the 'mother' role. This week she has reclaimed what is rightfully hers. You see, Cruella carried the boys for 9 months and then gave birth to them - this leaves her holding the Ace card and boy has she decided to play it!
Cruella has for the 1st time taken legal advice (or so she says - she's probably been watching *Jeremy Kyle*) and now has it stuck in her head that she has parental rights (yes it's taken her 8 years to realise this) and I have nothing. I'll repeat that, I have no rights at all. She now wants to be more involved in the boys' lives, she wants to make the decisions and yes you guessed it, she wants me out!
So as it stands.... I have been warned - by the psycho bitch from hell with a very vicious tongue - that I am to have no contact with either boys' school or have any input into their homework. She is changing their GP and I am not to have any contact with the new surgery. From now on I am only to baby sit the boys when He is not in the house, I am not to discipline them or praise them. I am not to hold them when they are unwell or upset or endear myself to them in any way. I am to distance myself from them so that she can have a fair shot at being their mum, without my influence. After all, she is their mother and I am nothing!

With a broken heart I look forward to the boys arriving on Sunday. I have no idea what, if anything, she will have told the boys, but if she stays true to form I can guess that it won't be anything an 11 or 10 year old can repeat. What am I going to do... how can I bow down to her demands? I can't suddenly stop being who I am, I can't suddenly stop loving who I love. Just like she can't stop being a selfish and destructive individual - I can't stop being a mum to MY boys.

If Cruella wanted a fight then she's going to get one. I'm going to nurse my broken heart with a few bottles of wine, quality time with my husband and daughters, then we are going to load our weapon of choice and let her have both barrels. We are going to do the only thing we know we can do. We are going to protect our beautiful children from her ugliness and spend a huge amount on the best legal team we can get. I might not have any rights at the moment, but we are going to change that, we are going to apply for me to have full parental rights for both boys. We know Cruella will oppose this, but the advice we have been given is that she will be wasting her time. If she didn't want me in their lives, she should not have dumped them on my door step with no more than the clothes they stood up in!

Bring it on Bitch!

For my dear friend Jenn

I would like to tell you about my Dear Friend Jenn. I think of her as one of my closest friends - yet we have never spoken to or met one another. Jenn is one of the strongest, determined and honest ladies I know.
Jenn - I am so sorry I can't find the right words to take your pain away or I can't reach over & give you the huge hug I want to give you. I'm sorry I can't pop over & fill your freezer with meals that you can just pop in the oven & not worry about, but most of all I'm sorry that I live thousands of miles away and I will probably never get the chance to tell you all this in person. If you are reading this Jenn, I just want you to know that I am praying for you and I will be here with you all the way.
Love Me x

Way back when.... Part 2

So where did I get to?
During our 1st night together - no we didn't notice the house was freezing, filthy or totally empty - I realised that I actually quite (really) liked Him and perhaps this was a twist of fate that could turn out OK. Little did I know that not everyone was listening to the sweetest music playing, or seeing the most amazing fireworks.... sorry I'm in that movie again!!
In the cold light of morning The enormity of what He had done really hit home. He had left his wife (really grudge using that term on such a cold hearted, selfish and spiteful bitch of a woman) and two very young children for me. So no pressure then? We talked most of the day and it was clear that he had made his decision and regardless of my reaction, he was not going to return to life as he had known it. Me, I thought 'Why the hell not give it a go?' - I mean he is sexy as hell and I was available so what did I have to loose? (I later discovered this would include my sanity, savings and job).
our 1st few days together were spent shopping to buy essentials for 'our' new home. I'd been living with my parents for 6 months so I also had to break it to them that I was/had moved out - I felt like a teenager again! For a few days I didn't even think about Cruella or the two boys (although I don't think they were ever far from His thoughts). She wouldn't answer His calls and he didn't get to see the boys. He was sure it would just be for a few days, until she calmed down...... little did we know!

2nd wives club

Please congratulate me - I've just joined the British Second Wives Club! I can't believe there are so many women out there that put up with the garbage I get from Cruella (and worse). It wouldn't be my 1st choice of club... I'd rather be in the 'I won £20 million and stay at home all day' club... but I can honestly say it's a huge comfort and major eye opener!
If you are in a similar situation to me then check out this.

Way back when...

So where did it all begin? Let me take you back to July 2000, when I'd just left my first husband after 10 years (3 married). I was working in a hospital for detained offenders and had developed a great friendship with Him (my now husband). He was married to Cruella and the boys were just 3 and 1 yrs. Fast forward to December 2000.... We were on a staff night out and shared a very drunken kiss. It's not my style to kiss married men and I'm not proud of my actions, but put into perspective (it's not the time or place to discuss the complexities of his marriage to Cruella, but lets just say happy families they were not) I am not a home wrecker!
So hit the fast forward button.. not too much.. to January 2001. I get a telephone call from Him asking me to go and pick him up from work. Intrigued I drove to 25 miles and found him stood in the shadows with a ruck sack and a look on his face that I will never forget. As he gets into the car he tells me to drive - anywhere! This is when the bomb shell hit, he had officially ended things with Cruella (I say officially as she had been messing him around for a while). I don't think it helped when he told her he was in love with someone else. Boy did he take a giant risk - one drunken kiss and he was in love with me!
We drove around for a while, mostly with me just swearing at Him asking him what the F he had done.
Many hours later we decided to go to my new (derelict) house and stay there for the night. On the films things always look better in the morning don't they? So here we are, the middle of winter in a derelict house with no heating or furniture - and that's the way it stayed (for a while). The rest, as they say, is history!

And the brown stuff hits the fan again - take cover!

So Cruella has decided that I am no parent legally or otherwise to HER two boys. In her words I am no more than an adult left in charge by someone who has parental rights! Ok which legal web site has she swallowed?

It looks like it's all starting again. The status quo has been rocked and Cruella is on the war path. Open the brollies as the brown stuff is sure to fly in my direction!

Perhaps I should go back & start somewhere near the beginning!