Friday, 5 December 2008

Second Guessing

I am sick of trying to second guess Cruella and the depth she will sink to to make life difficult for Mr & and I.
Mr M has had his papers issued to say that he will be deployed to Afghanistan in October 2009. Thinking we should get things in order (you just never know) we have been trying to second guess Cruella and her behaviour, not only when he tells her, but also when he has gone. My head and heart hurt and I'm not sure how much more I can take of this.
We have taken legal advice and basically we have several options:-
  • File for a residence order which states Mr M and I to have 50% care. With this I would gain parental rights and responsibilities
  • File for parental rights and responsibilities
  • Do nothing and deal with any issues when (if) they arise

We initially thought the residence order would be the best option, but with a £5000 plus tag and no guarantees that Cruella wouldn't revoke it the minute Mr M leave the country.....

We then thought the parental rights and responsibilities was the way to go, but again with a £2500 tag and the bomb shell that follows I'm not so sure!

As it stands as soon as I accept parental rights and responsibilities I also accept financial responsibility for the boys until they are 18yrs. In itself this is nothing as I provide for them anyway...... but the minute Mr M leaves the country, Cruella could revoke contact and file for full maintenance from me. Also if Mr M were not to return or if we were to separate at a later date, Cruella can withhold contact from me but still file for full maintenance until the boys reach 18yrs and I would be 100% liable!

So do we carry on second guessing and trying to plan for all eventualities or do we just deal with the crap should it arise?

9 comments:

Just Me :) said...

ugh! What a mess to deal with! Well, you know you would never forgive yourself if something happened and you were not allowed to see the boys anymore...

I don't supose there's anychance in the world that Cruella would see the seriousness of the situation and act as an adult just long enough to settle it? I know...wishful thinking but I suppose someone might be so lucky.

dragonmctt said...

If you were awarded rights and responsibilities, how could Cruella withhold contact? Would you not be able to hold her in contempt?

Mrs M said...

dragonmctt - I thought it would be straight forward too, but if she was that way inclined (and believe me she is) she could withhold contact for any reason she choses to make up and it would be up to me to fight her allegations through the court system - whcih would probably take up to 6 months to resolve by which point Mr M would be home. It's such a tough one - I try to think the best of her yet each time I am let down by her actions or inactions - she has never once put the needs of the boys first and I'm not convinced she would do it on this occassion.
I guess we will just get Christmas out of the way then review our options. If we decide to instigate court proceedings we need to do it in January to ensure any orders are in place before Mr M leaves.

dragonmctt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dragonmctt said...

That is so harsh! Long story, but DH involuntarily lost custody of the kids for 9 days because of BM, and I had to be the one to turn them back over to her. It was the worst time of my life, and I would not wish it upon anyone. I hope you and Mr M are able to figure something out after the holidays.

I'm with you 100% on the scariness of being legally financially responsible for the kids - I contribute now, as BM does not pay child support, but the thought of ever having to pay HER if something were to happen to DH and she was awarded custody makes me nauseous.

Stephanie Earls said...

My husband was also once married to a Cruella. She left him with 6 children and she took all of the furniture (including the refrigerator, washer and dryer)which she lost all of when she got behind on her rent and attempted suicide. She resurfaced in our lives about 4 years ago and informed me that I was no longer needed by her children since she was back! Did she really think I would disappear from this family after 10 years of raising them? Well, I am still here loving them and she hasn't seen the youngest since last Christmas. Old Biddy! I truly feel for you. I hope that you get some great legal advice. And don't forget to pray for Cruella. That will really piss her off!

Mrs M said...

Stephanie - Thankyou for your comments and support. Your children are very fortunate to have you in their lives and I hope they realise that one day if they don't already. I will be checking out your blog later. Mrs M x

cassee01 said...

I'm just curious - what used to happen when he deployed when she was the absent ED? Do you really think she would want to take on the boys full time? My ex used to say stuff, but the reality was he would never want to take the full responsbility on.

Mrs M said...

She has a mouth as large as her backside, which belive me is huge! No I don't think she would want or be capable of taking the boys on full time, but I think she would do anything to spite us! DH was forced to leave the forces as she wouldn't support any form of deployment once they'd had the boys. Since he joined on a part-time basis in 2004 this is his first major deployment.

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