Service resumes - but it's far from normal....

We had Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day - it was amazing and wonderful and happy and sad all at the same time.
The boys arrived on our 'Boxing day', opened their gifts and then announced that they'd had a good day 'shopping' with their grandparents the day before WTF???? They blew us and our Christmas out for a day at the shops with their grandparents - to say I was angry would be an understatement - I was furious and rightly or wrongly told them both exactly what I thought. Cruella had gone away for the weekend with Randall and had made plans for the boys to go to her parents (another post in itself!)

Lead balloon.............

I then told them that if it were up to me then there would be no way on this earth that they would be coming on holiday with us the next day.

2 lead balloons.........

We got through 'boxing day' and we did go on holiday they next morning - all 6 of us.

We had 4 days away and in all honesty it was far from enjoyable. Our family dynamics have changed so drastically - it was hard for all of us. The boys were so far removed from the boys that we all knew and loved - they were selfish, rude and arrogant. Mr M really had his eyes opened.

We arrived home and the first question from Charlie was 'When are you taking us back to mums?' Mr M and I had briefly discussed this scenario and we took them back that morning. We came home and licked our wounds.

Four weeks passed before we heard from them again, despite numerous calls, texts and emails. Surprisingly *insert sarcasm* when Mr M left a voice mail asking if they wanted to come to London with us they called us straight back - I never saw that one coming!

We all went to London and despite things being a bit strange on the train we had a lovely time. The boys started to ask a few questions about Mr M and why he had had to go to Afghanistan, they also got to hear a little about what he had faced whilst he had been over there - you could see the penny dropping - literally.

We arrived home and Mr M & I had decided that we had to sort the situation out properly - I don't think my liver could have taken much more!

So the long and short of it................

• Cruella has done a really good job of making the boys hate Mr M for going away - they thought he'd had a choice in it all and had chosen to 'abandon' them
• The boys enjoy the freedom that they have at Cruella's and don't want to go back to having 'rules' at our house
• Charlie has hit his teenage years full force and is moody as hell.
• Woody can't understand why things can't just be the way they were?
• Cruella did not allow the boys to come whilst Mr M was away because legally I'm nothing to do with the boys (cheers kids!)
• Cruella has told the boys that we no longer have 50-50 care and that's her decision and nothing is going to change that (place your bets...)
• Cruella does not give a flying F*** about what the boys want.

So we asked the boys what they wanted, we told them to forget about what Cruella wants and not to worry about what they think we might want and here it is:

• To not have to stay at ours on a school night - they don't like to hour each way commute and it makes it difficult for homework etc
• Not to have so many rules at our house
• To come and stay with us every other weekend from Friday to Monday
• To spend half of the school holidays with us
• To spend alternate Christmas and Birthdays with us
• To spend the girls' birthdays with us
• To spend Fathers day with us

What we agreed:-

• The house rules stay - no negotiation - how hard is it to make your bed, take your clothes to the laundry and shower every day?
• No school runs - I'm happy with this as it was four hours every day (3 days a week) that we were sat in the car doing school runs. Also this would have had to have changed when Lola starts school in September anyway.
• Every other weekend here - Hopefully minus the school runs this will mean we get to spend some quality time with them both?
• Alternate Christmas's with us
• Alternate birthdays with us
• Fathers day with us
• Half the school holidays with us.

Cruella has other ideas! She went absolutely crazy at the boys when they told her what they wanted and she was straight on the phone to Mr M - who may I add has really grown a pair since he's been away and firmly told her where to get off!

So the plan is for the boys to come after school this Friday - I wait with baited breath.

My prediction for Cruella involves a letter, child support and a demand for mega bucks! Unfortunately, I'm not often wrong with my Cruella predictions!

Ever decreasing circles......

Where do I begin? I suppose with an apology for being such a terrible blogger! I have been reading all of the blogs which I follow, just not blogging myself.
However I just need to get this post out, it's been going round and round in my head for so long - Minnie I'm back for some free therapy!

I guess it would be worth going back to this to get where I am coming from.....................................

I didn't see or hear from the boys until the end of November, over 8 weeks from the date Mr M went away. When I did eventually get a text message from Charlie asking if they could come to stay for the night I was elated, I didn't ask any questions I just arranged a time and date to pick them up.
The boys arrived the weekend of Lola's 4th Birthday - it was the best present anyone could have given her - short of Daddy coming home, that is. The first few hours were pure bliss, the house was filled with noise and the sound of laughter was music to my ears. The children put up the Christmas tree and life was almost normal, for a while.
It wasn't all about Lola though as it was only a few days until Charlie's birthday - so he was equally excited to receive his birthday gifts from us and my family, after which the mood certainly started to change........
The boys were getting less tolerant of the girls wanting to spend every minute with them and they were pre-occupied with their new mobile phones that Cruella had purchased them (2 days after me topping their old phones up with £45 worth of talk time!!). After putting the girls to bed that night I asked the boys if they wanted to watch a film or play a board game. They didn't want to, but they did want me to do something for them.

Let me back track a little, mid way through 2009 I started my own photography business and I have been building this up gradually. I'm not brilliant, but I have taken some lovely portraits and have covered 2 weddings which I was very proud of.

The boys wanted me to take some portraits of them for them to give to Cruella and Randall as Christmas presents. Even though my alarm bells were starting to tinkle, I set up my home studio and worked my magic on the boys, after which they said goodnight and went up to their room. At breakfast the next morning I asked them if they wanted to go shopping for some frames then we could go to lunch, as I wasn't taking them back until 4pm. They exchanged looks and said they wouldn't have time as Cruella was picking them up before lunch, they would get the portraits at some point before Christmas. Next Charlie pulled a piece of A4 paper out of his pocket and as he opened it I instantly recognised Cruella's scrawl. When I asked him what was on the paper he just handed it to me. I was totally caught off guard as I read the list (complete with hand drawn check boxes) that Cruella had written. It was all the items that they boys were to take back to her house from ours. All items that I had bought and paid for.

• New school blazer with ipod controls
• New size 5 black trainers (both pairs)
• Charlie's walking boots
• Woody's walking shoes
• Woody's DS games
• Charlie's School coat
• A coat for Woody to wear to school
• Any jeans that fit
• Any T shirts that fit
• Any hooded sweaters that fit
• PE kit and football boots (size 5) for Charlie

Believe it or not, but it was mid December and neither boy had had a coat to wear for school! I explained to the boys that they could take the stuff on the list, but it would be up to them to look after everything and ensure they returned anything they would need when they were here, as I would not be replacing anything if they decided to take it to Cruella's. They took everything!

Fast forward to the 19th December - Umpteen voice mails, text messages and emails all un replied to - and I get a text message from Charlie asking if they could come on the 20th overnight. Again I didn't ask any questions, I just agreed to collect them at 9am the next morning.

9 am on the dot and the boys bounce into the car, wanting to know if their portraits were ready! We got home and the girls were so excited to have the boys here, they were talking about Father Christmas coming and what gifts they would like to get. The boys asked if they could have their gifts before they went back to Cruella's. I was more than a little taken aback, but composed myself and explained that the girls would only be getting 'token' gifts on Christmas day and that we would be having our full family Christmas when Mr M returns (they already knew this as we had spoken about it in details before Mr M went away. Charlie didn't seem too bothered, but Woody's face was tripping him! He didn't seem to understand that whilst he would be getting gifts from Cruella and her family, the girls would have to have a few things from me or they would have nothing to open on Christmas morning - as my family and (the few that bother from Mr M's family) were not exchanging gifts until Mr M comes home.

Although neither boy was pleased with my response, we got through the next 24 hours without any major fall outs. The next day I took them back to Cruella's - with their portraits mounted, framed and wrapped. 3 for Cruella and Randall and one for Cruella's parents. We didn't even get a Christmas card, neither did Mr M - but that's boys for you eh?


We phone, we text, we email - Christmas day, Boxing day, New Years day, the day it snows and we build a snow man, the day I get the official date of Mr M's return, the details of our plans for our Christmas day, the dates of our trip to a very special holiday place. We hear nothing from either boy. Lola is beside herself - I don't know what to say. Mr M is non the wiser as they have never written to him whilst he's been away - despite me sending them stamped addressed envelopes!

Last week I get a text message from Charlie:-

'Mum's booked our holiday for the same dates as your in the summer - going with mum. Got plans for the date that you've arranged Christmas for - won't be coming. Not bothered about seeing Dad when he gets back - just ask him to ring Mum to arrange a pick up time for when we go to the very special holiday place. Charlie.'


Heartbroken. Angry. Confused. Suspicious. You bet your backside I was! I gave it a few hours to let the content of the message sink in, then I tried ringing Charlie, then Woody, then the house phone - no answer from either. So I replied with the following:-

'Hi mate, Dad will be really upset that you won't be celebrating Christmas with us, is there nothing you can do to rearrange? He has missed you just as much as the girls and I have. I can't understand why you are not planning on seeing Dad when he gets home. Give me a ring and we can try to sort something out. Love Mrs M x '

I left it several days and still I heard nothing. By this point I had come up with every excuse for their behaviour whilst Mr M has been away. I've had Cruella brainwashing them, raging hormones, peer pressure, not wanting to 'put me and the girls out'.......... but I can't find an excuse that I truly can believe. I sent my final message on Friday:-

'Charlie & Woody, You didn't reply to my last message - is everything ok? Dad will be ringing you this weekend, I've not told him about the content of your last text, I ask that neither of you mention it as it's unfair whilst he is still out there. He will be home on *****, Please call him when he gets back. Until you have spoken to him I won't book our holiday to the very special holiday place. Take care, Love Mrs M x'

I've heard nothing from either of them.

I'm still so angry. I'm angry with Cruella for encouraging/allowing the boys to treat us so terribly. I'm angry with myself for daring to expect more. I'm disappointed with the boys for thinking they can get maximum gain from minimum effort - We certainly didn't raise them this way!


I know that our little family has been ripped apart, I know it will never go back to being how it was.
I'm just hoping that I am strong enough to support Mr M and the girls through the rough ride that I know is only just starting. The last 4 1/2 months will seem like a breeze in comparison.

Anyone for chocolate?

I thought I'd Blogged about our dilemma with Cruella's Christmas present, but looking back it seems I cut her some slack - must have been having a good day!

Each and every year, we have bought Cruella a Christmas gift from the boys. We've always bought something nice and a lot of thought has usually gone into the gifts. When she hooked up with Randall and his two children we decided to buy them a shared 'family' gift from all of us. Again we have always bought a nice gift and for the past couple of years they have bought us something - just a token gift for all of us, but it was something.

This year we decided that due to Cruella's behaviour, she was getting sweet F.A from us. However, we agreed that we would pay for a token gift for her from the boys. I took Charlie shopping and he chose a lovely triple box of fudge from Thorntons for Cruella and Randall and a small novelty chocolate gift each for Randalls children. I took great delight in wrapping them and writing the gift tags - which although said 'From Charlie and Woody' -she would know it was me who had bought them!

We did not expect anything in return as I'm sure she would have rather have poked her own eyes out than buy a gift for us!

To our surprise the boys arrived on Christmas eve with a tub of chocolates stuffed into a carrier bag, with a tag on saying to Mr M, Mrs M, Lola and Dora. Mr M and I were very surprised, but in the spirit of Christmas we thanked the boys and put the chocolates to one side.


Fast forward to today. I decided it was about time I had a sort out and had discussed taking our unopened tubs and boxes of chocolates to the girls' nursery. We have 3 large unopened boxes - including the one from Cruella.

So as I sort them out I look at the tub from Cruella and something twigs. The seal doesn't look quite right and on closer inspection I can see that she has used selotape and a piece of red paper (to look like the seal) to close the tub. As I took the selotape off, the lid lifted off and inside the tub mixed in with the chocolates, were loads of wrappers!

Can you believe it - she had no intention of buying Mr M anything from the boys and was obviously shamed into sealing up a half eaten tub of chocolates for them to give to us at the last minute.

Rather than feeling angry and cheated, the fudge set we bought was lovely and the boys told us that she ate nearly all of it in one go - wide load coming through, I have laughed so much this morning and Lola and Dora have had a field day with the remaining chocolates.

So freaking angry.

I've been fuming over this since Sunday and only now feel calm enough to blog about it.

The boys had been telling us for months that Cruella was buying a shared Christmas gift for them and Randall's two children - she had told them that they were having Guitar Hero* for the PS3* - The one with the guitar, Drum kit and microphone. That was their main gift as the family had just bought a new 50" Plasma TV for the lounge (they were lucky enough to get a free LCD 19" TV in the bargain).

So Christmas eve comes and the boys were with Cruella, they opened their present and low and behold it's Guitar Hero. They have a few other stocking fillers and are generally happy boys. They were with us Christmas day and Charlie spend most of the morning checking his mobile - he had text Cruella to enquire what gifts Randall's Children had recieved but never got a reply.

So the boys returned on Sunday and I was horrified when they blurted out that although they had been given the Guitar Hero* - it was expected that they share it with the other two. Fine, it's good to share. But tell me how Randall's daughter is going to share HER PSP (£160) and his son share HIS mobile phone (about the same price)?

Is it just me, or are they way out of order on this? I am gutted that the boys have been given something thatis obviously meant for all 4 kids, and yet the other two have very individual gifts.


Oh, hang on - I forgot that they boys were also given the Free LCD TV as a gift between them!

Last minute me

Why do I leave Christmas shopping to the last freaking minute?

Tonight I am sat stressing about all that I have to do tomorrow - I still have several presents to buy and like old mother Hubbard my cupboards are bare!

So, plan of action.......
Phase 1: Alarm clock is set for 3am so I can go to Tesco food shopping. I'll get back just in time for Mr M getting up for work.
Phase 2: I can shower & get dressed before Lola & Dora get up.
Phase 3: Get the girls up & dressed then head off to their Godmother's to exchange gifts (luckily I have bought hers!)
Phase 4: Convince said Godmother to mind the girls whilst I nip to the shopping outlet to buy ridiculous, expensive and useless last minute gifts.
Phase 5: Collect Lola & Dora and drive home.
Phase 6: Feed, bathe and get the girls to bed (praying the settle well)
Phase 7: Cook for Mr M, Charlie and Woody who will be ariving home about 8pm. Open the wine!
Phase 8: After the boys are in bed, wrap all the presents, including the ridiculous, expensive and useless last minute ones purchased earlier
Phase 8a: Huff and tutt at MR M for being useless at Wrapping.
Phase 9: Wish I'd not opened the bottle of wine at Phase 7
Phase 10: Finishing touches..... sprinkles, footprints, mince pies and sherry for Santa
Phase 11: Crash into bed and pray that sleep comes quickly (only 3 hours until the first cries of 'Santa's been'


I love Christmas - just wish I were more prepared. But hey, I'm the same every year & we always have a blast!

Merry Christmas to you all. xx

Karma!

So the Karma bus has well and truly struck Cruella's fat arse!

With Christmas approaching she has been dragging her heels and yet again trying to make it all about her - BIG mistake! Having avoided working for the past (forever) 8 years, she has to work this Christmas day. Again trying to dictate what will happen she told Mr M today what She wanted to happen etc etc (yep, he was bored too).
I love that man more each day, since I have taken a back step he has grown some Bo**ocks and now stands up to her. So as she stands there (fat ass wobbling) he turns to Charlie and Woody and asks if her plans are what they want too. Can you believe they totally blew her out!!!
Yee Haaa!!! The boys told her that they did not want to be messed about on Christmas day just to suit her and that she could make Christmas eve their Christmas day & they would be with us Christmas day until the 30th December!

Sounds like Cruell has pee'd off one too many of the men in my life - Man, I love all 3 of them and I'm so looking forward to Christmas.

Beep, Beep!!!!!

Cruella is Scrooge?

So Cruella does it again - picks her punches and throws them well.

Charlie and Woody spent Christmas morning with us last year for the first time and they absolutely loved it. This year they have asked to do the same again - come to us Christmas eve tea and go back to Cruella Christmas day at 3pm. We have said they are old enough to express their wishes and we would respect them.
Cruella, being the bitch she is, wont play ball - oh no, it's not about what they boys want! She will let them know what HER plans are when she has made them and they can tell us so that we can fit in around them.

Can you believe how selfish she is? The boys have pointed out to her that they don't want to be with her Christmas morning, looking at presents which they are not allowed to open until Randall's children arrive at 2pm, only for us to pick them up at 3pm. Yes, that's right - the wonderfully caring Cruella thinks nothing of making her own children wait to open their Christmas presents on Christmas morning as long as it fits with her plans!