You can write your name in it

Lola is discovering the wonder of words. She's loving that she can write her name, copy words and even write words that we spell out to her (obviously these talents are from me!).

So, picture a four year old, walking around with a filofax (Mr M's old one that he never used) taking 'notes' at every opportunity. She's way too cute and very smart!

Smart to the point that she's worked out that you don't need a pencil and paper to write.........


.......as I was doing the house work the other morning she begged me not to 'duster' the television.
Why?
'Because the dust is good for writing your name Mummy'!


I really must clean up more. Or employ a housekeeper. Or buy more paper!

Put a sock in it .....

....oh, you already did!


'Christmas' morning Lola runs into our bedroom and very excitedly asks if Father Christmas has been again. With this Dora bursts in (jumps her way in really) and asks if Father Christmas has been again.

Both girls jump into bed and all three of us 'push' Mr M out of bed so he can go and check - no point us all getting cold until we've confirmed that there are in fact presents to be opened 9and Mr M can turn the thermostat up on his way downstairs - logic, right?

So Mr M gets (is pushed) out of bed and with his back to us -safe in the knowledge that we are all preoccupied with speculating about father Christmas - he removes his lovely little boxer shorts with the intention of putting on his pants (yes, he's a pants man - he likes it all tucked in and not dangling).

Gotcha!

We girls sit giggling at Mr M's bum and he obliges with a little wiggle before pulling his pants up and turning round to face us.

Lola, in absolute stitches, to the point where she can only just get her words out, points at Mr M and declares:-

"Silly daddy - you've left your socks in your pants "

Mr M turned crimson, I almost pee'd myself and Lola was beside herself that Daddy was silly enough to out his socks in his pants in the first place!

Mr M now gets dressed in our bathroom!

Now the question is which type of socks? I would have said trainer socks - but I'm sure Mr M would insist they were boot socks!!

Ever decreasing circles......

Where do I begin? I suppose with an apology for being such a terrible blogger! I have been reading all of the blogs which I follow, just not blogging myself.
However I just need to get this post out, it's been going round and round in my head for so long - Minnie I'm back for some free therapy!

I guess it would be worth going back to this to get where I am coming from.....................................

I didn't see or hear from the boys until the end of November, over 8 weeks from the date Mr M went away. When I did eventually get a text message from Charlie asking if they could come to stay for the night I was elated, I didn't ask any questions I just arranged a time and date to pick them up.
The boys arrived the weekend of Lola's 4th Birthday - it was the best present anyone could have given her - short of Daddy coming home, that is. The first few hours were pure bliss, the house was filled with noise and the sound of laughter was music to my ears. The children put up the Christmas tree and life was almost normal, for a while.
It wasn't all about Lola though as it was only a few days until Charlie's birthday - so he was equally excited to receive his birthday gifts from us and my family, after which the mood certainly started to change........
The boys were getting less tolerant of the girls wanting to spend every minute with them and they were pre-occupied with their new mobile phones that Cruella had purchased them (2 days after me topping their old phones up with £45 worth of talk time!!). After putting the girls to bed that night I asked the boys if they wanted to watch a film or play a board game. They didn't want to, but they did want me to do something for them.

Let me back track a little, mid way through 2009 I started my own photography business and I have been building this up gradually. I'm not brilliant, but I have taken some lovely portraits and have covered 2 weddings which I was very proud of.

The boys wanted me to take some portraits of them for them to give to Cruella and Randall as Christmas presents. Even though my alarm bells were starting to tinkle, I set up my home studio and worked my magic on the boys, after which they said goodnight and went up to their room. At breakfast the next morning I asked them if they wanted to go shopping for some frames then we could go to lunch, as I wasn't taking them back until 4pm. They exchanged looks and said they wouldn't have time as Cruella was picking them up before lunch, they would get the portraits at some point before Christmas. Next Charlie pulled a piece of A4 paper out of his pocket and as he opened it I instantly recognised Cruella's scrawl. When I asked him what was on the paper he just handed it to me. I was totally caught off guard as I read the list (complete with hand drawn check boxes) that Cruella had written. It was all the items that they boys were to take back to her house from ours. All items that I had bought and paid for.

• New school blazer with ipod controls
• New size 5 black trainers (both pairs)
• Charlie's walking boots
• Woody's walking shoes
• Woody's DS games
• Charlie's School coat
• A coat for Woody to wear to school
• Any jeans that fit
• Any T shirts that fit
• Any hooded sweaters that fit
• PE kit and football boots (size 5) for Charlie

Believe it or not, but it was mid December and neither boy had had a coat to wear for school! I explained to the boys that they could take the stuff on the list, but it would be up to them to look after everything and ensure they returned anything they would need when they were here, as I would not be replacing anything if they decided to take it to Cruella's. They took everything!

Fast forward to the 19th December - Umpteen voice mails, text messages and emails all un replied to - and I get a text message from Charlie asking if they could come on the 20th overnight. Again I didn't ask any questions, I just agreed to collect them at 9am the next morning.

9 am on the dot and the boys bounce into the car, wanting to know if their portraits were ready! We got home and the girls were so excited to have the boys here, they were talking about Father Christmas coming and what gifts they would like to get. The boys asked if they could have their gifts before they went back to Cruella's. I was more than a little taken aback, but composed myself and explained that the girls would only be getting 'token' gifts on Christmas day and that we would be having our full family Christmas when Mr M returns (they already knew this as we had spoken about it in details before Mr M went away. Charlie didn't seem too bothered, but Woody's face was tripping him! He didn't seem to understand that whilst he would be getting gifts from Cruella and her family, the girls would have to have a few things from me or they would have nothing to open on Christmas morning - as my family and (the few that bother from Mr M's family) were not exchanging gifts until Mr M comes home.

Although neither boy was pleased with my response, we got through the next 24 hours without any major fall outs. The next day I took them back to Cruella's - with their portraits mounted, framed and wrapped. 3 for Cruella and Randall and one for Cruella's parents. We didn't even get a Christmas card, neither did Mr M - but that's boys for you eh?


We phone, we text, we email - Christmas day, Boxing day, New Years day, the day it snows and we build a snow man, the day I get the official date of Mr M's return, the details of our plans for our Christmas day, the dates of our trip to a very special holiday place. We hear nothing from either boy. Lola is beside herself - I don't know what to say. Mr M is non the wiser as they have never written to him whilst he's been away - despite me sending them stamped addressed envelopes!

Last week I get a text message from Charlie:-

'Mum's booked our holiday for the same dates as your in the summer - going with mum. Got plans for the date that you've arranged Christmas for - won't be coming. Not bothered about seeing Dad when he gets back - just ask him to ring Mum to arrange a pick up time for when we go to the very special holiday place. Charlie.'


Heartbroken. Angry. Confused. Suspicious. You bet your backside I was! I gave it a few hours to let the content of the message sink in, then I tried ringing Charlie, then Woody, then the house phone - no answer from either. So I replied with the following:-

'Hi mate, Dad will be really upset that you won't be celebrating Christmas with us, is there nothing you can do to rearrange? He has missed you just as much as the girls and I have. I can't understand why you are not planning on seeing Dad when he gets home. Give me a ring and we can try to sort something out. Love Mrs M x '

I left it several days and still I heard nothing. By this point I had come up with every excuse for their behaviour whilst Mr M has been away. I've had Cruella brainwashing them, raging hormones, peer pressure, not wanting to 'put me and the girls out'.......... but I can't find an excuse that I truly can believe. I sent my final message on Friday:-

'Charlie & Woody, You didn't reply to my last message - is everything ok? Dad will be ringing you this weekend, I've not told him about the content of your last text, I ask that neither of you mention it as it's unfair whilst he is still out there. He will be home on *****, Please call him when he gets back. Until you have spoken to him I won't book our holiday to the very special holiday place. Take care, Love Mrs M x'

I've heard nothing from either of them.

I'm still so angry. I'm angry with Cruella for encouraging/allowing the boys to treat us so terribly. I'm angry with myself for daring to expect more. I'm disappointed with the boys for thinking they can get maximum gain from minimum effort - We certainly didn't raise them this way!


I know that our little family has been ripped apart, I know it will never go back to being how it was.
I'm just hoping that I am strong enough to support Mr M and the girls through the rough ride that I know is only just starting. The last 4 1/2 months will seem like a breeze in comparison.

The best laid plans.....

Tomorrow is the big day, the day I get to sell myself and bag a new job - if I'm lucky!

Today I had so much planned:-

6.30 - take the girls to nursery
7.30 - Go to the gym, do a 10K
9.00 - Hair cut & colour
Lunch - return home & select interview outfit (which consists of trying on every suit, trouser, skirt, jacket & shirt combination I own.
Some time later - tackle the shoe decision
Some time before 5.30 - go through all the research I've done for the job & practice some answers
5.30 - Pick the girls up
6.30 - girls in the bath, supper & bed
7.30 - Crack open the wine
Sometime before midnight - crawl into bed & pray the girls sleep through!

Unfortunately we failed at the first hurdle - both girls are running a fever, Dora has a viral rash & has been puking for England.
All bets are off, all plans are cancelled.

The joys of being a mum!

Papillon

We have had 3 of these in our laundry room all winter

I wanted to knock them off, but Mr M would never have forgiven me if I had!

I am so glad that I left them alone as on Wednesday the girls and watched the first one hatch.

Here's the first picture of our newest family member:

The girls were mesmerised the whole time, they both sat there watching for well over an hour! Lola was most upset when I took it to the window to let it fly outside - she thought we were going to keep it in the hutch with the guinea pigs!

I too had a lump in my throat when I let it go.

However, having a 3 year old and an 18 month old demanding we spend the next six hours camped out in the laundry waiting for the other two to hatch has taken the shine off this moment somewhat!

Chunky Monkey

I just had to share this picture of Lola as a baby - don't you just love those little fat rolls, calling out to be queezed don't you think?

Wooka Fadooka

Whilst we were in London with Charlie and Woody, we bought the girls a couple of small gifts. One of the gifts we bought them was a flashing rubber ball from the Science Museum. Not wanting to spoil the surprise, Mr M told Lola that we'd bought her a gift but wouldn't tell her what it was.

That girl is so like her Mummy - she can't stand the suspense of surprises and it was driving her potty trying to guess what we'd bought her. Feeling her pain, I told her we'd bought her a 'Rooka Madooka' and for the rest of the journey home from Granny's she was quite happy.

When we got home she tore into the wrapping a proudly announced 'Look Dora - a Wooka Fadooka!' We laughed so hard as we thought she had 'got' the joke - hell no,that girl is so damn proud of her Wooka Fadooka she even insisted on showing the post lady!

*Don't ask who tried to take a picture of it flashing - doh!!!

Toxic Friend part 2

Remember this?

Today was the day that I'd arranged to meet Mavis. We were supposed to meet at a neutral location, where the kids could play and we could have a natter. Unfortunately I had to pick Lola and Dora up from Nursery later than planned, so I couldn't make the arranged time.
I contacted Mavis and explained the situation and suggested that I just call into her house for a quick coffee and catch up instead.

Talk about lead balloon - the idea was a complete non-starter.

Mavis made every excuse possible to prevent the girls and I from going to her home and I have no idea why. So as it stands, we didn't meet up and we have made no plans for getting together at a later date. Perhaps my suggestion to invade her home was the final straw - maybe she thought I would have expected her to run around after the girls and I, and cook us all tea?

Funny how things can suddenly change when you move the goal posts I know what tactic to employ if any future contact is made...... 'Of course we'd love to see you Mavis, how about the girls and I come to yours for the day next week?'

A day of kidisms

Lola has been on top form today - perhaps it's all the chocolate she has eaten (see previous post).

Just before bath time she walked into the kitchen (yes - I do live in there!), with her hand held out.

Lola - Will you put some Tomato sauce on my hand please Mummy?

Me - Why?

Lola - Because if you do I can become a sandwich.

Me - ???

Lola - Please Mummy, let me be a sandwich

Me - If I were to do that Lola, What type of sandwich would you be?

Lola (looking at me very strangely) - A Lola Sandwich!?
Stupid me, I anticipated the answer to be cheese or ham!!

Oh, and I didn't put the tomato sauce on her hand, I managed to redirect her with chocolates - Cheers Cruella, you saved my ass twice in one day (see comment on previous post!)

We need food!

Lola came to the kitchen this morning, about 40 minutes after breakfast. As she stood there hand in hand with Dora (too cute) this is the conversation that followed:-

Me - Hi girls are you ok?

Lola - No Mummy, we are hungry.

Me - Really? You've only just had breakfast.

Lola - I know, but we are ready for our lunch.

Me - Are you hungry too Dora?

Dora - Nods her head and signs 'To eat'

Me - Oh, Ok. Just let me finish cleaning up then I'll make you something to eat.

Lola - Come on Dora, we might as well go and play, Mummy's going to let us starve!


WTF? She's 3!!

Little Miss Independent

Did I ever tell you that Lola is 3, going on 33?

For what you are about to read I apologise now - I am a terrible mother!
Monday evening my best friend Trixie called and literally minutes into the conversation Dora had a poo. Being the expert - at multi tasking - that I am, I decided I could shoulder the phone & have Dora cleaned up in no time - Yes, right!
Mid change Lola asked for some toast - food was the furthest thing from my mind, but she's 3 so.... Whilst shouldering the phone, mid conversation with Trixi, mid wipe with Dora - I explained I would make her some toast, just as soon as I was finished.

The changing took longer than expected (sometimes it just does!) and engrossed in conversation with Trixie I just presumed that Lola has gone into the play room to amuse herself. Lesson learnt - never presume with a 3 year old.
So, change completed, conversation with Trixie over, I walked into the kitchen and almost had kittens - The scene:-

Chair dragged up to the work counter.
Lola stood on said chair.
Chopping board, child's knife and butter in front of her.
One slice of brown bread happily toasting away in the toaster.

I scream and Lola responds with 'its' ok Mum, I've got it all under control'!
Lesson learnt - Children watch and take in everything you do - even when you think they don't.

The toast pops up, Lola butters it and happily stands there eating her creation - very pleased with herself.


Since this very eye opening event things have changed a little round here - the toaster now lives in a very high cupboard. the microwave, kettle and coffee machine are left unplugged when not in use. Child safety caps have been placed on all sockets (even the ones I thought were out of reach). Lola and I have had a very long chat about her culinary talents and I think she understands that at 3 years old she mustn't try anything like this again.

I know that this should not have happened in the first place - no excuses - but in reality I can't watch her every second. I do have to change Dora but lesson learnt - multi tasking isn't always so clever!

Shoot me now!

A tale of two beds

It's a long story, so I'll try to keep to the point.

In the summer we decided that Charlie and Woody would share the largest bedroom and Lola and Dora would have a room each (Dora was having problems settling when we tried to put her in Lola's room). This involved a massive reorganisation of the upstairs ( I called in the A team - Mum and two sisters!). We eventually got it sorted and the end result was that the boys had new wooden bunk beds, Charlie's metal high sleeper was put in the Garage, Woody's single bed was given away to a friend, Lola kept her white 4 poster and Dora was still in her cot.

I've never been entirely happy with the boys' bedroom, it's always seemed really cramped and childish so last week I decided to do something about it. The old cogs started turning and I had a (not so) bright idea.
Dora would have Lola's bed as she is getting restless in her cot (Lola was in a bed at 13 months)
Lola would have one of the bunk beds (they split into singles)
Charlie's high sleeper would go back in their room and the other bunk would go under the high sleeper at a 90 degree angle. The other side of the high sleeper has shelves and a desk.

Plan worked out great in my head - not so great in reality!

Lola loves her new bed - Dora hates hers!
Charlies high sleeper was pulled in from the garage, lugged upstairs only to find out that we'd thrown all of the screws and bolts away (Mr M was not happy!) So we had to go and buy a new high sleeper (we tried to get replacement bolts etc but couldn't get any anywhere!)
High sleeper in place and low and behold the second bunk bed (single) wouldn't fit under (AARRRGGGHHHH). No amount of pushing, pulling, squeezing and swearing could get the darn bed to fit (Mr M was not happy!). So.....we had to go and buy a single bed (metal to match the high sleeper) for Woody. However, despite all the problems, their room looks fantastic and surprisingly there is so much more room!

Moral of the tale - Mrs M needs to think things through before taking the plunge and throwing the whole house into chaos, Mr M needs to chill out and not say 'I told you so'!!

Last minute me

Why do I leave Christmas shopping to the last freaking minute?

Tonight I am sat stressing about all that I have to do tomorrow - I still have several presents to buy and like old mother Hubbard my cupboards are bare!

So, plan of action.......
Phase 1: Alarm clock is set for 3am so I can go to Tesco food shopping. I'll get back just in time for Mr M getting up for work.
Phase 2: I can shower & get dressed before Lola & Dora get up.
Phase 3: Get the girls up & dressed then head off to their Godmother's to exchange gifts (luckily I have bought hers!)
Phase 4: Convince said Godmother to mind the girls whilst I nip to the shopping outlet to buy ridiculous, expensive and useless last minute gifts.
Phase 5: Collect Lola & Dora and drive home.
Phase 6: Feed, bathe and get the girls to bed (praying the settle well)
Phase 7: Cook for Mr M, Charlie and Woody who will be ariving home about 8pm. Open the wine!
Phase 8: After the boys are in bed, wrap all the presents, including the ridiculous, expensive and useless last minute ones purchased earlier
Phase 8a: Huff and tutt at MR M for being useless at Wrapping.
Phase 9: Wish I'd not opened the bottle of wine at Phase 7
Phase 10: Finishing touches..... sprinkles, footprints, mince pies and sherry for Santa
Phase 11: Crash into bed and pray that sleep comes quickly (only 3 hours until the first cries of 'Santa's been'


I love Christmas - just wish I were more prepared. But hey, I'm the same every year & we always have a blast!

Merry Christmas to you all. xx

Home Alone

Today I cried - big, fat tears with uncontrollable sobs!

Mr M & I had a wonderful 5 days with Lola and Dora on our winter break. The girls loved all the wildlife and Lola went on two pony rides - she's a natural. She looked so darn cute and had her picture taken for next years brochure! We came home yesterday on such a high & couldn't wait to see the boys today.

Cruella dropped them off at 1pm and by 1.15pm the tears wouldn't stop.
We'd told her in February that she would have to make arrangements for the boys for this week, yet just a few weeks ago she claimed she didn't know we were going away. Sorry F*ck Face, but I've got the e mail delivery confirmation that clearly states you recieved and opened the email & just to be doubly sure, I handed Randall a copy of all of our booked holidays for 2008. Sorry, but my eyes are not painted on!
So the reason for the tears? Woody (10 years old) had the winter vomiting flu Monday and Tuesday with a spiking temperature of 40 degrees. What did Cruella do....... she went to work 8am till 8pm!
She left him home alone - both freaking days! But wait, don't condemn the evil bitch of an excuse for a mother just yet, please hear her plea.....
'Woody wasn't home alone all day, Randall called at home evry 4-6 hours to give him paracetamol to try to get his tempertaure down'.

Whoopyfuckingdo!

Mr M & I feel like crap now, and in some part feel that we should not have left the boys with her on our contact days. But what we fear most is that if she is willing to leave him home alone when he is obviously very poorly, she will not have second thoughts about leaving him home alone at any other time. What beaks my heart most is that neither of the boys can see any harm in what Cruella has done.

So Monday morning will bring a elephone call to social services and our solicitor - we just can't let this one go. Are we totally off the mark here?

See you on Friday

Tomorrow Mr M, Lola, Dora and I leave for our winter break. We are off here for 5 days and I am so excited!

I'm sure I'll have loads to update you on when I get back - like Cruella is going to let us have 5 days of peace & quiet?!

Our day with Charlie

Today we took Charlie to visit his favourite Football Club - a late birthday gift as Cruella would not let him come over last weekend....
Anyway, Woody stayed with Cruella (another tale for another post) whilst Lola and Dora stayed with my mum.

So off we tootled this morning, just me, Mr M and Charlie. We had breakfast out, were able to have a 3 hour car journey without having to stop to use the toilet, pick up something that has been dropped or change a stinky nappy - heaven!
We arrived at the stadium and were able to look around the museum, trophy room and stand without having to negotiate a double buggy, listen to 'I'm bored 30 times', listen to 'Can I play my DS?', stop to use the toilet, pick up something that has been dropped or change a stinky nappy - heaven!
We then drove to the Docks and were able to enjoy hot chocolate and cakes without having to negotiate a double buggy, find a clean highchair, find a table big enough to take 6 + said highchair, listen to 'can I play on my DS?', have numerous visits to the toilets/changing room, repeat 'sit down Lola and est your cake' 30 times, having to avoid the glares of those on the next tables because Dora is just so loud - and Lola has to be louder! - Heaven!!

All in all, we had a fantastic day, Charlie smiled all day long and has never stopped talking about it. I honestly think we need to make more of an effort to spend time with the children on a 1:1 basis, as much for me & Mr M as for them.

Happy Birthday sweetheart

My little girl, Lola, celebrated her 3rd birthday yesterday. Yikes - I can't believe she is 3!! She was so excited opening her gifts yesterday morning, it's bizarre that she now knows you just 'rip' the paper off (in two seconds flat!!). We bought her some roller skates (the ones where you keep your shoes on and they adjust as your feet grow) and she has already mastered the art of 'skating' - I do find it amazing that she has fantastic balance and co-ordination already (she certainly doesn't get it from me!).
What really touched me was when Charlie (in his lunch break at school) sent a message to Mr M yesterday asking him to wish Lola Happy Birthday. He is so thoughtful.

I thought about sharing a few memories with you, but to be honest I couldn't pick just a few. Then I thought I'd share her birth story with you, but I just can't find the folder where I saved it to! So instead I will just say:

Happy birthday Sweetheart - Mummy loves you more each day.

I can't give it away!

When I was pregnant with Lola we were so lucky to have kind friends who gave us lots and lots of baby stuff. I don't see the point in spending £££'s when I'd been given perfectly good stuff for free.

In the same spirit I have passed many items onto friends and they too have been grateful. Now that Dora has passed the 'baby' stage I have lots more stuff washed and packed up - many items are still in the original box:-

• Mama's and Papa's car seat - cost £150 and used for 4 months
• Bumbo seat - boxed as new
• Steam sterilizer - Boxed as new
• Annabel Karmel weaning kit - blended, ramekins, measuring spoons, pots all boxed as new
• NUK bottles and teats - unopened
• 2 hanging rails full of baby clothes - washed and like new

I know several young girls who are pregnant with girls and I have offered all of the above items and so much more - for free. Given the current financial climate, and I know that these girls are low earners, I'd have thought they would have snapped my hands off......... not a chance!! Neither of them want to have second hand stuff for their babies and would rather spend money they don't have to buy new!

You just can't help some people, I know it's nice to have new but in today's climate I'd be grabbing anything that was offered to me!

Who needs toys when you have a box?

Lola and Dora had so much fun with this box - too funny! I wish I'd thought to film it when they first stated playing, Dora was hilarious, jumping up to shout boo - but she couldn't even see over the top of the box!!

Room for a little one?

This is what Lola's bed looks like - how does she find room for herself?