Sunday, 8 March 2009

Mask off - Act over!

So I thought I was being so very smart. Using this blog as a venting forum for all the problems I was facing with Cruella. It worked, my free therapy helped me to put things into perspective. It helped me to see what issues were worth fighting for and those that I could laugh off or ignore. Life got better, I put Cruella into the little box marked 'insignificant' and hey-ho I'm cured!
But then something changed.
I don't know what possessed me to write the 'Will the real Mrs M please stand up?' posts. I don't know why after all these years I decided to finally open up the box that had been sealed shut with superglue.
I didn't realise it would hurt so fucking much.

Being on bed rest (I say that tongue in cheek) I have had lots of time to think about being Mrs H. I have also had lots of time to cry about being Mrs H. It sucks. 9 years after leaving my first husband I've taken off my mask. I've given up on the act. I have started to accept that the years that I was Mrs H were totally shitty. I have accepted that I have kept this to myself for reasons I don't yet know, but I do know I didn't want to deal with this. I do now.

In some strange way I'm glad that I've found myself in this position and I thank you for your words of wisdom, encouragement and support. I know that writing the next chapters on here are not going to be enough, but I will write them. I have also made an appointment with a counsellor - my first session is Tuesday. I'll be leaving my mask at home.


Mimi said...

I am so very proud of you honey. I wish I lived closer to you so we could have tea together!


Two Moms With A Plan said...

I'm so happy you are going to see someone who can help you work through your past regressions so you can move forward with your life. We can never truly excel until we break free from our past.

I was in a horrible relationship for 3 years before I met my Holly. 3 years of emotional abuse and manipulation. I still can't believe I broke free from that and looking back on it, I wonder what the reason for that relationship was? I think I'm stronger because of it. Never again will I allow someone to treat me that way.

As I've said before, I am looking forward to reading more of your story. It seems we have more in common than I thought.

Minnie said...

I'm swelling with admiration for you.

It's funny really, most of us starting blogging for "free therapy" and found clairty, humor, and kinship in the most unlikely of places and people.

Mrs M said...

Me too Kami - I could do your injections for you! I'm loving you blog by the way.

Mrs M said...

Becky - Thanks for sticking with me on this one, it does sound like we have some common ground. I'm so glad you found the strength to move on and I feel you've got a good one in Holly. Respect to you honey!

Mrs M said...

Minnie - It'syou I've to thank (or blame)for my blogging journey. I was totally inspired (still am) after reading your blog - start to finish in one night!! You are so right, we find friends in the most unlikley of places. Thankyou!

dearjenn said...

Minnie is so right- blogging is an online diary to which we have no key to keep anyone out, nor do we have any boundaries. I'm glad you have shared with us- and I am looking forward to staying with you for years to come!

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