Sunday, 25 January 2009

Ask your mum

Crys reminded be of something i'd like to share:-

When I was pregnant with Lola the boys would love to sit and look at my pregnancy books (my bible) and see how big 'bump' was, or what 'bump' was doing at that stage. They were really excited and we tried so hard to make sure they felt involved - they were 9 and 7 at the time.

One morning on the way to school Charlie pipes up 'How did 'Bump' get into your tummy?'
I (almost crashed the car) didn't answer quite quick enough - trying to get my birds and bee's story to sound convincing - Woody saved me the bother with his answer 'Dad and Mrs M had sexing, that's what put 'bump'into your tummy isn't it Mrs M?'

I (almost crashed the car again) and copped out with 'Yes, Woody, Dad and I love each other and we created 'Bump'.'
All was quiet and thinking I'd dodged that one, I prepared myself to answer any further questions with 'Ask your Mum'. Terrible I know!
being the thinker that he is, Charlie then chirps up 'So if you and Dad put 'Bump' into your tummy, how does 'Bump' get out?'
Feeling very smug with my pre-decided answer, I almost get the 'ask' out of my mouth before Woody (the font of information) volunteers 'Bump will have to come out of your doofler wont it Mrs M?'

This time (very much in fear of crashing the car) I pulled over, 'Ask your mum' wasn't going to wash this time. The conversation was as follows:-

Woody - It does doesn't it Mrs M, Bump comes out of your Doofler?
Charlie - Don't be stupid Woody, how can a baby fit through a ladies Doofler?
Woody - It does, doesn't it Mrs M? Tell him!
Mrs M - Yes Woody, the baby does pass through a ladies Vagina when it is being born. (why didn't I think to tell them the belly button cover story?)
Charlie - But how - are ladies Dooflers really THAT big?
Mrs M - Ladies have Vaginas Charlie and no they are not THAT big.
Charlie - so just how does the baby fit through then?
Mrs M - (Ask your mum???) You've seen the film the 'Incredibles'
Boys - Yes
Mrs M - and you know that each of them has the ability to do something incredible
Boys - Yes
Mrs M - well, ladies vaginas are incredible.
Boys - Oh, THATS how the babies come out?
Mrs M - Yes.

Wiping the sweat from my brow, I'm just about to pull out to continue our journey to school when Charlie pipes up:-

Charlie - So grown ups have sexing to make a baby and then babies come out of the vagina?
Mrs - Yes mate something like that.
Charlie - Do men have vaginas?
Mrs M - No mate, only ladies
Charlie - Phew, I thought I was going to have to have sexing with a man when I'm older!

Good job I was still stationary I think I'd have crashed the car!

6 comments:

dearjenn said...

So glad it was you driving and having that tough conversation and not me!! For right now I only have to pick boogers off the car door- I just don't know what I will do when I have to talk about birds and bees while trapped in a driver seat!

Your kids make me laugh. Hard.

Crys said...

Oh my, I almost dropped my lap top from my lap laughing so hard. Nice!!! I love the the end one too. I can literally see him wiping the sweat from his brow in relief that he won't have to be sexing with older men in order to have babies.

Mrs M said...

Thankfully neither of them had any idea what they were talking about in reference to 'sexing'. I listened to Woody telling Charlie all about it - if only getting pregnant were that easy!

macocha said...

Oh...my...gosh! Thank you so much for the laugh! I have never, heard it called a doofler! When I told my daughter that they come out of there she said she was never, ever having babies...ha ha!

Cute story!

Two Moms With A Plan said...

Hilarious! I know that 'don't-crash-the-car' shock. My younger sister who is only 16 told me once that she thinks she is bisexual. I was driving at the time and almost ran off the road.

I really like the reference of vaginas to the Incredibles!

Smirking Cat said...

Love it! I like the reference to the Incredibles too :)

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